


Not good enough?

by SasuNarufan13



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bottom!Naruto, Crossdressing, Drama, Explicit lemon in second chapter, F/M, First POV, Foul Language, Implied lime, M/M, Yaoi, birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:21:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SasuNarufan13/pseuds/SasuNarufan13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One can do strange things in the name of love. Naruto just never realised that this could involve dressing up like a girl to deceive his lover's family. It was only for a short while until Sasuke told his parents the truth. Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pokeyspot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokeyspot/gifts).



> Author's note: All right, this fanfic is dedicated to pokeyspot, because it's her birthday! Happy birthday, sweetie!
> 
> Now you may have noticed that there is a part 1 in the title: that's because the fic was becoming quite long and I wanted to at least post a part of it before it would take me even longer to finish it. So Part 2 will be up soon.  
> Also, similar to another story of mine, this fic consists mainly out of various scenes that follow each other up. Just thought I would say this in advance.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto - Kishimoto owns it.
> 
> Dedicated to: pokeyspot.
> 
> Please enjoy the first part!

_Part 1_

It had started out as a precaution against his parents.

Sasuke's parents had always dreamt of both their sons marrying some girl from a high class family and giving them grandchildren. So of course any notion of either one being gay was immediately banished; Fugaku had told his two sons that if they ever dared to turn gay, they would be disowned without a second glance.

Itachi, being the perfect son he was, found himself a beautiful blue haired girl named Konan who always walked around with a flower in her short hair. They married when they were twenty-five and one year later, they had their first son Deidara, named after a close friend of Itachi who unfortunately had died when experimenting with his homemade bombs. He always had said he wanted to get out of life with a bang and he did exactly that. Now they were expecting their second child.

His brother Sasuke was five years younger than Itachi and always felt like he was living in his brother's shadow. Constantly trying to beat his aniki and impress his father, he had been shocked to his core when he discovered he had feelings for his best friend Uzumaki Naruto. He had tried for months to get rid of those feelings, not wanting to acknowledge them and certainly not acting on them. He had tried to distance himself from Naruto, thinking that with time, his feelings would disappear when he didn't spend time with the blond haired boy anymore. It had worked brilliantly … the first three weeks.

The fourth week had started with Naruto banging on his door, demanding to be let in and have his questions answered. Sasuke did his best to avoid his friend, but Naruto was the most persistent boy he had ever met and it hadn't been long before he had been spending time with the blond again.  
Two months later during a heated argument in which they debated whether or not it was a smart idea to skip Kakashi's lesson, Sasuke had kissed Naruto squarely on his mouth to shut him up. It had worked brilliantly if Sasuke had to say so himself.

They had stood frozen for five minutes, staring each other in the eyes, until Sasuke bolted, not believing he had really just kissed his best friend. Naruto had let him go, not knowing how to react.

One week after that incident, just when Sasuke had resigned himself to a life without Naruto when the boy hadn't talked to him after the kiss, Naruto had dropped down next to him, ignoring his shock and had boldly told him that he wanted a huge box of ramen for his Valentine and that if he was just playing around with Naruto, he would kick his arse and break every bone in his bastard body.

Sasuke had just smirked and shook his head. From that moment on, they formed a couple.

But then, one day when Sasuke was twenty-three and had just started working at his father's law firm, Sasuke's parents told him they had found the perfect girl for him to marry. In his panic Sasuke told them he had already found someone. His parents requested a meeting with the girl. And that was where Sasuke was stuck, and that was the moment everything started to go in a down spiral.

* * *

"You want me to do what?" I asked incredulously and stared at my boyfriend, as if he had grown a second head. He might as well have grown one, because that would at least explain a bit of his odd request.

"I want you to dress up as a girl so that you can meet my parents officially," Sasuke repeated slowly and rolled his eyes. "They won't believe me otherwise and then I'll have to marry some unknown girl my parents approve of." He scowled. "I would have brought you like you are, but you know how my father is."

And I knew that ice prick very well. He had never approved of Sasuke having me as his best friend and after countless tries of setting Neji up as his best friend, Fugaku had given up but he had never accepted me. That was the reason why I almost never visited Sasuke at home. I could deal with the occasional glaring, but having someone glare at you on a daily basis for doing nothing but existing and befriending his son, that would even put me off.

So I as a best friend was a big no no, but if Fugaku knew Sasuke was gay, then all hell would break loose. Sasuke was one of the most stubborn people I have met in my life, but he still followed all the rules his daddy set upon him. That was why his parents didn't know we were a couple and that he was essentially living with me. On the rare occasion his parents decided to grace their son with a visit, instead of demanding one of him, they visited the apartment that Sasuke kept for that reason.

It hurt a bit that I couldn't come out with Sasuke as my boyfriend, but I didn't complain. I knew how difficult his life would become if the truth came out and that was why I never pushed for officially coming out. Some of my friends knew, but luckily they knew how to keep their mouth shut. That wasn't to say they approved, but they knew they couldn't do anything about it.

I loved Sasuke with everything I had and I would happily die for him if that meant he was safe, but what he was asking of me now, was a bit too much.

"Please tell me you're joking. You can't honestly expect from me to dress up like a bloody girl," I deadpanned, but Sasuke just stared at me with a blank face. I hated it when he did that. He was already hard to read as it was, but with that emotionless mask on, it was practically impossible to know what he really thought.

"I'm not joking. This is the only way," he repeated. "Unless you want me to marry a girl?" He raised an eyebrow.

I cursed inwardly and looked out of the window with a frown. Of course I didn't want him to marry a girl, but I was a guy, for fuck's sake! Guys didn't dress up like girls, even when they were gay.

"Is there no other alternative?" I asked hopefully. Everything was better than girls' clothes.

He shook his head and destroyed all my hope with that one shake.

"So what is it going to be, Naruto?" he asked, taking a sip of his black coffee.

I grimaced. "Fine, I'll wear the damn clothes. But," I pointed my finger at his face, "I'm not going to do it regularly, so you just have to find a way to break the news to your parents," I snapped; pissed off at myself for agreeing.

"Hn." He smirked and stood up, placing his empty cup in the sink and disappeared into the room he had designed as his office.

God, what had I gotten myself into?

* * *

"Excuse me, Naruto-kun, but I'm afraid I didn't hear you correctly," Haku said carefully after I had presented him my request.

I shifted uneasily, feeling my cheeks reddening in embarrassment. Haku was one of my oldest friends; when I first met him, I had thought him a beautiful girl, but later it turned out he was a boy who just looked really feminine. It also didn't help that he had long soft brown hair and wore androgyny clothes. He had a slender built and a soft looking face. He was also gay, and together with a big tough looking guy named Zabuza.

The reason why I went to him with my request was because Haku liked to wear girl clothes every now and then (something Zabuza apparently enjoyed too, but that was something I didn't want to particularly think about) and I trusted him enough to show me how to dress well enough so that nobody could guess I was actually a guy.

I cleared my throat and repeated my question. "Can you dress me up like a girl? So that nobody notices that I'm actually a guy."

His big brown eyes blinked in confusion. "But why? You're not into that kind of thing – or did you change your mind?"

I hesitated, not knowing for sure if I should tell him the truth, but I needed his help and he was one of my oldest friends – he deserved to know the truth. "Sasuke's parents want to meet the girl he's together with, but obviously there is no real girl. So we came up with the plan that I would dress up as a girl and meet his parents that way, to avoid him having to marry a girl his parents picked out," I muttered and rubbed the back of my head, looking away. I still loathed that plan, but it was only for a little while. As soon as Sasuke told his parents the truth, I could throw those clothes away and could finally be together with him in the open.

He pursed his lips and frowned. "Why can't he tell his parents that he's gay? You're together for a few years now, right? It's time he comes out of the closet."

"You know how his parents are, Haku-kun," I mumbled. "His father is the worst when it comes to his sons being gay."

"But Naruto-kun, are you planning to dress up like a girl for the rest of your life?" he asked incredulously and shifted on his couch, his mug with hot tea resting on his kimono clad knee.

"No, of course not." I shook my head. "Only until Sasuke tells them the truth."

He looked hesitatingly.

"What?" I frowned and took a sip of my own tea.

"Do you think that is a good idea?" he asked softly. "Why do you need to dress up like a girl to meet his parents if he is going to tell them the truth eventually?"

"Because otherwise his parents are going to force him to marry a girl they picked out. If they meet me, then they know he has someone already," I explained. "After that, he can ease them into the idea of him being gay."

"Are you sure he's going to tell them the truth?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Listen, Naruto-kun, I love you. I care about you and I don't want to see you hurt," he began, making me confused. "If you start with this plan, I'm almost a hundred per cent sure that you're going to end up hurt."

"Why? It's just for a little while. Sasuke promised me he would tell them the truth," I answered stubbornly. "Come on, Haku-kun, you know how his parents are. Sasuke is risking a lot to stay with me."

"He's risking a lot? His parents don't know you're together, he has a separate apartment for when his parents visit him and you're practically forbidden to enter his house," Haku answered, sounding disapprovingly. "He doesn't risk anything, because he is too afraid to lose his father's approval. He's a grown man; he should learn to stand up for himself and not force you to go along with silly plans."

"Are you going to help me or not?" I bit out. I wasn't here to get a scolding; if I wanted one, I would go to Sakura. "If not, just say so and I'll leave."

Haku sighed and threw me a troubled look. "Fine; I'll help you. I just hope you're right and Sasuke will come clean to his parents."

"Of course he will," I replied stubbornly. "He just needs a bit more time; that's all."

I ignored the look on his face that seemed to resemble pity and instead followed my friend to his bedroom.

Sasuke could act really cold and aloof, but I knew he would keep his promise in the end. It would just take a bit more time, but soon I would be able to be with Sasuke in public and then all my friends would have to admit they were wrong about him.

* * *

One week after Sasuke's request, I was putting the finishing touch on my outfit. Fiddling with the dark blond coloured wig, I made sure it covered my bright blond hair completely. The wig consisted out of wavy hair that reached a bit past my shoulders and a fringe that stopped right above my eyebrows. The highlights in it caught the light and made the hair shine softly.

Taking a few steps back, I cocked my head slightly and studied myself in the mirror.

I was wearing a dark blue dress that fell loosely around my hips, hiding the obvious bulge. A wide brown belt around my waist and a padded bra offered the illusion of womanly curves. Small flowers were stitched on the cloth; the wide sleeves hid my muscled arms and a thin, light blue scarf wrapped around my throat hid my Adam's apple.

My feet were encased in a pair of – thankfully – flat, light brown boots that reached up to my knees; the dress covered the rest of my legs.

I had never been overly muscled and the outfit covered all the muscles I had and it disturbed me a bit how well the dress made me resemble a woman.

Haku had not only taught me how to dress to hide my masculinity, but he had also shown me – to my great embarrassment – how to use make-up to hide the sharp angles of my face.

The face that stared back at me through the mirror had powdered cheeks, tinted a pale rose. The lips were coloured a dark rose and blue eyes stood out thanks to a thin, black line of liquid eyeliner and dark blue eye shadow.

The dark blonde hair – feather soft to the touch – was swept over my shoulders and softly swayed back and forth every time I moved.

Taking in the feminine look, it struck me that I couldn't recognize myself anymore. The person in the mirror was not a blond man, but a blonde woman with bright eyes and soft curves.

The three thin scars marring my cheeks – a memento from a failed prank in the past – which would have betrayed my real identity, were completely covered by the make-up and I didn't know what to feel, confronted with the sight of an unknown woman staring back at me with unmarred cheeks, who wore my face and yet didn't look like me.

"I guess it's show time," I muttered and scowled at the small purse, waiting for me on my desk, in disdain.

Keeping Haku's instructions about walking like a woman in the back of my mind, I grabbed the white purse – Haku had called it a clutch, whatever that meant – and crossed the bedroom to meet Sasuke, who was waiting in the living room.

"And? What do you think?" I asked with a small grimace.

Sasuke turned around and his eyes widened a fraction. While his dark eyes roomed over my body and studied me, I took the time to study him.

He was wearing a dark green button-up shirt, paired with black slacks and black dress shoes. His outfit was completed by a black tie, a black jacket and an expensive golden watch.

Once again, I wondered earnestly whether the Uchiha family was allergic to bright colours.

"Who would have thought you would make a realistic woman?" Sasuke smirked and approached me.

I rolled my eyes and scowled. "Shut up, bastard," I mumbled and resisted the urge to pout.

"Seriously, you surprise me," he continued and his hand reached out to softly tug on my fake hair. "I thought you would look like a guy wearing women's clothing, but you actually look like a girl. If I didn't know better, I'd think you _are_ a woman."

"Is that supposed to be some weird, fucked up compliment?" I asked flatly. "Because I'm not feeling flattered."

Sasuke chuckled softly and before I could stop him, his hand ceased touching my hair and he suddenly squeezed one of my fake breasts.

"Even that feels realistic!" he said surprised.

My jaw dropped and I slapped his hand away. "What the hell, bastard!" I spluttered and backed away.

He looked amused. "Never knew you could impersonate a girl that well."

"Go to hell, asshole!" I growled and glared at him.

"Let's go before we're late. Mother wouldn't forgive us if we are tardy for lunch." He shook his head and beckoned me to follow him to his car.

I gritted my teeth, swore to myself I would kick his arse later for daring to cop a feel and followed him.

After I had put my seatbelt on, Sasuke backed off the driveway and he waited until a red car had passed by before he joined the other cars on the road.

I started fiddling with my sleeves and bit my lip, looking out of my window. "Who is going to be there?" I asked curiously.

"My parents, obviously, and my brother said he would show up with Konan and Deidara if he could take some time off," Sasuke replied, speeding up now that we were on the highway.

"You mean if he manages to escape Kakuzu's tirade about their financial expenses," I retorted lightly, but couldn't repress the shudder raking over my spine when a memory of Kakuzu – Itachi's head of the financial department of Uchiha Corporation – resurfaced. The man seemed like a calm, rather boring businessman, but appearances were deceptive. His love for finances combined with his stinginess made him a dangerous person to cross when money was mentioned. His assistant Hidan was frequently a victim of his tirades if the man dared to spend more money than Kakuzu had put in his financial plans.

Practically every week Kakuzu could be found raging in Itachi's office, demanding him to boot Hidan out of the office and I had heard Itachi mutter darkly about the financial head various times before – at this point, I didn't know who scared me more: Itachi or Kakuzu.

Scratch that, practically all the heads of the departments in Uchiha Corporation were certifiably insane. I actually speculated that to become a head of a department, you had to prove you were insane enough in front of the Board.

Sasuke grunted and took a left, uttering a quick curse when we got nearly cut off by a light blue car. "Normally he should be safe from Kakuzu – he complained earlier this week to him, so he should be staying low for another five days or so," he snorted and the look on his face was a mixture of amusement and weariness.

I stared at him surprised. "How do you know that? Did you call him?"

"No, the dickhead called me." He scowled and slowed down when the traffic light jumped to yellow. "I was in the middle of preparing a case when that son of a bitch decided I should be the one he complained to about his lousy, deranged co-workers. As if my workload wasn't bad enough already."

My lips twitched and I glanced out of the window again. "How did you get him off the phone?"

"I told him I would honour Deidara's memory by introducing his spawn to the 'art' of bomb making," he smirked and an evil glint shone in his eyes.

"You're evil," I said, but couldn't stop the smile spreading over my face. Leave it to Sasuke to threaten his brother instead of making excuses or, god forbid, ending the conversation in a polite manner. "I assume he didn't take well to that threat?"

"It wasn't a threat. It was a promise," Sasuke declared solemnly and took a right. "And no, no, he didn't take well to that. But he did stop whining."

Sasuke slowed down once more when we turned into the street where his parents lived. He found an open parking space right in front of his parents' house on the opposite side of the street. He killed the engine and turned to look at me; his eyes conveying to me how serious he was.

"All right, Naruto, you have never met my parents or anyone else before, so I'm going to introduce you to everyone. For the love of god, please don't act too much like yourself. This whole act will be ruined if someone is able to guess who you really are." He grabbed my hands and squeezed rather harshly in them. "If you can, try to avoid hanging out with Itachi – of them all, he is probably the one who would be able to figure out the quickest who you really are."

"It's not like I'm that fond of Itachi to start with," I mumbled slightly annoyed. I knew what was at stake here; I didn't need Sasuke reminding me once again that even one mistake could mean trouble for the both of us.

"Let's rehearse for the last time. What's your name?"

"Namikaze Manami."

"How old are you and what did you study?"

"22 years old; I studied languages and am working as a translator."

"Where did we meet?"

"I bumped into you at a small café, spilling my coffee on your shirt. I apologized, offered to clean your jacket and after a few more accidental meetings, you asked me out for lunch," I recited and sighed.

Sasuke nodded distractedly. "All right, that should be enough to tie them over. They'll probably won't dig that far for more information just yet."

Once again, I reminded myself that I was doing this for Sasuke and that it wasn't that bad; all I had to do was have a bit of patience and Sasuke would inform his parents about the real truth. I could handle playing a girl until then. Really. It wasn't like I would meet his parents that much in this particular get up.

With that reassurance in the back of my mind, I stepped out of the car and walked next to Sasuke to his parents' house.

This would be some very interesting hours to say the least.

* * *

"Thank you for welcoming me in your home," I murmured and bowed, mindful to keep my voice soft.

Mikoto, Sasuke's mother, smiled softly and squeezed both my hands in hers. "My husband and I are very happy to have met you, Manami-san."

Fugaku, his father, nodded coolly, but I thought I could see a glimmer of approval in his cold eyes.

 _Amazing what a change of gender can do_ , I thought sarcastically.

"Yes, it makes me wonder where my foolish brother found such a fine lady as you," Itachi smirked.

Sasuke growled and a hand came to rest on my lower back. "Itachi …"

"Behave, boys," Mikoto said sharply.

I just smiled weakly, not knowing how to react to Itachi's remark. I didn't think the older brother despised the real me, but he had always been difficult to read. I guessed his comment meant he approved of me.

"It was a pleasure to meet you," Konan murmured and bowed slightly, her rounded belly preventing her from bowing further.

Their son, Deidara, smiled shyly at me from behind his mother's skirt and ducked away when I returned the smile, making me stifle a chuckle.

We said our goodbyes and Sasuke guided me back to his car, still with his hand on my back.

I had just buckled my seatbelt when Sasuke suddenly grabbed me by the back of my head and hungrily pressed his mouth against mine. A surprised moan escaped my throat and I returned the kiss with equal fire.

As sudden as he had started kissing me, just as sudden did he release me, resulting in me falling back in my seat, wide eyed.

Taking a big gulp of air to steady my breathing, I asked – still a bit breathless – bemused, "What was that for?"

"You were amazing back there," Sasuke replied and his laugh sent a jolt of shock through my body.

I had never heard him laugh so happily before; not that he was always in a bad mood, but his good moods usually showed themselves in the form of smirks, smiles and the occasional soft chuckle.

I hadn't expected him to be so happy about my acting.

"Thanks, I guess," I murmured, not really certain how to accept that particular compliment.

"My mother adores you already and even my father accepts you. This went even better than I had hoped," Sasuke continued and backed the car out of the spot so that we could return home. "Hell, even Itachi doesn't know who you really are."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled and looked out of the window. "Just don't forget to tell them the truth."

Instead of getting irritated like I had expected he would be at the reminder of his promise, he grabbed my thigh and gave it a quick squeeze. "I won't," he replied calmly and then smirked, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes. "Where do you want to eat? I'm not in the mood to either prepare dinner or do the dishes tonight."

I perked up at the mention of food. While lunch had been delicious, it had not been much and I started to feel hungry again. A glance at my cell phone informed me that it was already nearing five thirty; no wonder my stomach was starting to cramp up from hunger.

"I'm allowed to choose?"

Sasuke nodded. "Yes, consider it some sort of thank you for putting up with my family today."

"Ramen," I stated and grinned. "And not the cheap store kind either. I want ramen from Ichiraku."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, though do try to control your inhalation of that disgusting thing you call food."

I ignored the insult for once and replied, "Let's go home first – I don't want to eat ramen in these clothes."

"What a shame. You look so nice in those clothes."

For the first time since I knew him, I couldn't decipher whether he was sarcastic or not and so I kept quiet.

* * *

Two weeks later, I woke up on Sunday morning to find Sasuke standing in his boxers in front of the window, talking to somebody on the phone.

I yawned and stretched leisurely, shifting until I laid on my stomach; the sheets trapping the warmth around my body, creating the sensation of being cocooned in the heat. My head leaning on my fist, I gazed at Sasuke and waited for him to end the conversation.

He shifted his weight from one leg to the other and murmured, "On which evening have you planned to have dinner?"

A smirk appeared on his face when he received an answer and he replied, "I am certain she'll have clothes fitting for that particular restaurant."

I furrowed my eyebrows; was he talking about a female colleague? Had I forgotten that he had dinner plans? I could have sworn he hadn't mentioned anything of that sort.

Then again … I shifted a bit and winced when a bolt of pain shot up like a spark through my back. If Sasuke had mentioned any dinner plans last night, he had thoroughly screwed that information out of my memory.

I looked up when I heard the sound of the phone being put down and saw Sasuke slipping back into the bed. His cold hand slid up between my legs and I shivered, feeling him squeezing my thigh firmly.

His nose – slightly colder than his hand – pressed underneath my left ear and his warm breath caressed my skin, raising goose bumps, when he murmured, "Did I wake you up?"

I turned my head and accepted the kiss. "Not really," I told him and tried to ignore the sneaky hand caressing my thigh and lower back. "Who were you talking to?"

"Mother," he answered and a kiss was pressed on my shoulder.

I folded my arms underneath me and lowered my head on them. "What did she want?" I turned my head to look at him and grunted when he pushed my legs open and filled the gap with his body.

His arms appeared on either side of me, effectively trapping me with his body. I was so distracted by the feeling of his cool skin against my warm one and lips repeatedly descending on my neck and shoulders that I didn't catch his reply at first.

When it finally registered in my mind, I tensed and attempted to throw the bastard off of me, but he merely pressed down on my back. In the position I was in – legs spread, on my stomach with his weight on my back – I had to give up my struggle soon, because all it did was tired me out.

That didn't make me less pissed off.

I gritted my teeth and glared at him. "Why the hell did you say yes to that dinner?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and clucked his tongue, which only served to aggravate me further. "Because they are my parents and I can hardly refuse them when I barely see them."

"But why the hell do I have to dress up again?" I hissed and clench my fists tighter.

"Because they are fond of Manami and want to meet her again," he replied laconically. "I dare say they like Manami more than Konan." He sounded gleeful, happy that he had managed to be better than Itachi; at least that was what I assumed.

That assumption only angered me more. "I don't fucking care who they like more! Manami doesn't even exist! I'm not going to dress up like a girl again, so you can go on your own to …"

I was abruptly cut off by a hand snatching my hair and pulling my head up; before I could protest, my lips were covered and a tongue snaked inside my mouth. While his tongue was practically ravishing my mouth, Sasuke's remaining free hand trailed over my shoulder, down my chest and lingered on my lower stomach, his teasing fingers forcing a whimper out of me that was quickly muffled by his lips.

Lazily his hand trailed up and down and my mind grew foggy, all my attention directed at the hand teasing me. My breath hitched when Sasuke pressed closer to me and his harsh grip on my hair loosened up in favour of trailing his fingers over my swollen, bruised lips while his mouth left behind vivid marks in my neck. I swore I could feel those marks throbbing long after his lips stopped worrying that patch of skin.

A soft moan escaped my mouth when Sasuke shifted slightly; his hand never stopped caressing me.

"Please, Naruto," he breathed against my cheek. "Will you please go as Manami again? Just a little longer and then I'll tell my parents the truth." Smouldering, black eyes caught my eyes and I felt trapped like a helpless bird in front of an hungry cat.

"It's just that I …" I stammered. I really didn't want to give in, didn't want to dress up as a woman; it was humiliating. But I could feel my resolve crumbling with each fleeting caress, with each feather light kiss.

"Please, Naruto?"

That was the final blow to my resolve; with that one word, spoken in that particular tone, my protest shattered like fragile glass.

Sasuke never begged – not even in bed. For him to actually use the word 'please' and use a begging tone … He was serious about it.

Turning my head away in shame, I let out a sigh and mumbled, "Yeah, sure. I'll ask Haku-kun to give me new clothes."

Even without looking to confirm it, I knew Sasuke was smirking triumphantly.

"Thank you, Naruto. You have no idea how much this means to me," he whispered against my skin and he manipulated my body to turn around. He looked at me with a teasing glint in his eyes. "Let me show you have much it means to me."

While most of my mind shut down, accepting the waves of pleasure assaulting my nerves, the small coherent part of my mind couldn't help but wonder whether Haku would end up being right about Sasuke.

The echo of my yelling out his name was still fading away when Sasuke plopped down next to me with flushed cheeks, gathering my body in his arms while I tried to control my breathing.

He pulled my chin so that I faced him and kissed me softly. "I love you," he whispered against my lips.

Cheeks burning, I hid my face in his neck and wrapped my arm around his chest. Sasuke wasn't one to confess his feelings often, so whenever he did, it somehow made me feel embarrassed. But …

"I love you too," I smiled and forced the suspicious part of my mind to shut up. Why should I feel suspicious? After all, Sasuke had proven multiple times before that he kept his promises.

Yes, I had nothing to worry about.

* * *

"I hope we did not interrupt any plans you had for this evening. This was the only evening my husband had time off," Mikoto apologized after a waiter had refilled our glasses.

"Oh no, I have completed a project yesterday and the next project is due in three weeks, so I was able to take time off today," I lied and sipped from my red wine, hiding my grimace at the bitter taste. I was not a fan of the bitter liquid.

"You look very nice tonight, Manami-san," she told me sincerely.

"She does, doesn't she?" Sasuke smirked and pecked my cheek.

Startled I glanced at Fugaku, knowing he was not a fan of public affection, but he didn't seem to mind: he continued to eat while asking Sasuke about one of his cases. Bewildered, I turned back to my own plate and tried to ignore the hand creeping up my leg. I clenched my thighs together when the hand slipped underneath my dark purple dress, but of course that accomplished nothing but bring his hand into contact with my bare skin.

I threw him a warning glare, but all the bastard did, was curling up his lips in a quick, taunting smirk, before his face went blank again.

So he wanted to play this game, huh? Well, two could play this game.

While I spun a tale about my non-existing finished project to Mikoto, I placed my hand underneath the table on Sasuke's thigh and felt a muscle twitch in response. Sasuke threw me a quick glance, but I ignored him, keeping my attention both on my conversation with his mother and my hand.

When I didn't move my hand for a while, I felt Sasuke slowly relax and his hand retreated from underneath my dress. I grinned inwardly.

"What was your first impression of Sasuke, Manami-san?"

"My first impression," I mused and slowly slid my hand higher up Sasuke's leg. "I thought he had to be someone important."

"Because he was dressed well?" Fugaku raised an eyebrow and I could practically hear his derisiveness dripping off his voice.

I shook my head and smiled blandly to hide my more triumphant grin when I felt Sasuke stiffen. "It was in the way he carried himself," I replied and before Sasuke could make any attempt to stop me, I grabbed him roughly between his legs and squeezed while simultaneously saying, "I thought he was rather aloof and _hard_ to read."

Sasuke made a choking sound and his knee banged against the table.

Quickly I retracted my hand and patted his back instead. "Are you all right, Sasuke?" I asked innocently.

"I'm fine," he replied and narrowed his eyes, throwing me a warning look.

I shrugged and pulled my hand back. I barely hold myself back from sticking out my tongue at him; he should have known by now I was not above playing this game. He should be glad I wasn't doing anything worse.

"I assume you have met Sasuke's friends?" Fugaku suddenly inquired.

Lowering my fork, I stared at the older man and tried to discern where he was going with this particular topic. "Yes, I have," I replied after a short moment of silence.

I could practically feel Sasuke's eyes burning in my skull when his father asked the next question.

"What are your thoughts about Uzumaki Naruto?"

Focusing on keeping my breathing regular, I answered flatly, "He seemed like a nice person, fun to be around."

"Really? It seems he was able to mature then," he said idly, but the corners of his mouth turned up in a sneer.

"Father …" Sasuke started warningly and Mikoto threw her husband a disapproving glance.

The rather serene atmosphere made place for a hostile one and suddenly I couldn't stay at the same table as that stuck-up bastard. I wasn't about to listen to the bastard sprouting his speech about why I was not good enough for his son – even if he didn't know who he really was talking to – and I shoved my chair backwards.

"I'm sorry; I need to use the bathroom," I mumbled and hurried out of the dining area.

My heels – thankfully not too high – echoed in the corridor and I abruptly halted in front of the bathroom area. Right, in which one was I supposed to go? I was a man, but I was disguised as a woman. I could hardly go into the men's bathroom in this disguise, but I wasn't about to enter the women's either.

"Fuck," I cursed and resisted the urge to kick the wall. I clenched my fists tightly and glared at the tiled floor. Where the hell could I go? If I went back now, I probably would punch that prissy asshole in his face.

Something told me that punching that prick would not go over well, no matter how justified I was.

So, if I could not go back for now and I couldn't cool off in a bathroom, where could I find a place to let me calm down?

A hand touching my shoulder made me whirl around, ready to last out until I saw that it was Sasuke.

"What?" I snapped.

He nodded towards something behind me. "The restaurant has installed small rooms for the customers to do what they want," he answered calmly and led me to such a room by grabbing my elbow.

The room was very sober decorated: it simply contained a small glass table and two leather chairs and offered a view on the small patio of the restaurant. Chocolate brown coloured carpet muffled their footsteps.

"Are you okay?" Sasuke asked and studied me with unreadable eyes.

I shrugged and walked over to window, staring at the patio. "Just got a bit frustrated at the way your father talked about me."

"You know how he is," he murmured and the shuffle of his feet on the carpet let me know he was approaching me.

I stiffened and bit my lower lip, glaring at the small tree outside. "That doesn't mean I like the way he talks about me," I bit out.

His arms came around my waist and his chin rested on my shoulder. "My mother and I told him off," he answered and his thumbs started to rub soothingly over my hipbones. "I told him that you had become good friends with Naruto and didn't like the way he spoke about him. I also told him I didn't appreciate the way he talked about my best friend."

"He probably didn't like to hear that," I muttered darkly, but relaxed slightly, mollified by the fact that he had stood up for me, even if it was indirectly.

He chuckled humourlessly. "No, he did not like that at all. Especially not when mother started scolding him. I left right when she was berating him for being so impolite and childish."

A smile tugged at my lips. "I like your mum," I confessed.

"You just like the fact that my father gets scolded by her," Sasuke said half amused, half warily.

I turned around in his arms so that I could face him and placed my arms around his neck. "While that is indeed fantastic of her," I said smiling, "I just like her in general; she reminds me of my mum."

My parents had died when I was six years old; a drunk guy had rammed his car straight into theirs when they were on their way back to our house. The guy had gotten away with various broken bones, but my parents had died almost immediately after the impact. After six months of being shipped back and forth between distant relatives, I was adopted by a kind teacher named Iruka. Another six months later and I met the guy I would end up fallen in love with.

The few times I had been brave enough to visit Sasuke at his house, his mother had doted on me like I was her own son and her doting, protective manner had reminded me of my own mum. I was happy to hear that she had stuck up for me to her husband, even if I felt guilty for deceiving her now.

"Good to hear," Sasuke muttered and then suddenly his demeanour changed and he stared at me with half lidded eyes. "Considering you like my mother so much, would you be so kind as to not grope me again? I don't mind you doing that in the car or at home, but it is rather awkward to get turned on while your parents are staring at you."

I snickered. "You started it, bastard. Don't start something you don't intend on finishing."

"Oh?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow and pulled my hips against his, clearly showing me how affected he still was by my teasing. "Follow your own policy, dobe: you started this, you finish it."

"What, here?" I asked surprised. I wasn't particularly against doing something here; it wouldn't be the first time we did something inappropriate in a semi-public setting. I was just surprised that he was willing to risk his parents becoming suspicious if we stayed away longer.

He brought his head down and gave my lips a teasing lick. "Yes, here. Unless you're too much of a coward?" he smirked.

I snorted and placed my hands on his belt. "I wasn't aware refusing to do something in public with your parents near would make me a coward."

"It would make you a bloody tease at the very least," he retorted and then hissed when I slipped my hand inside his trousers.

I palmed him through his boxers and hummed. "Well, I can't have you calling me a tease, hm?" I winked and pulled my hand back so that I could open his belt and unzip his trousers. As soon as the air was able to touch his skin, I sunk down on my knees; at the same time I pulled down his trousers and left them rumpled around his knees.

His dark eyes looked down at me and I grinned back before I brought my hand around him and took him in my mouth. My hand squeezed the part of him that I couldn't take into my mouth and I slowly pulled back, letting my tongue stroke him.

One of his hands tangled itself in the hair of my wig and I hoped that he wouldn't pull too hard; it would be a hassle to get the wig right again.

I started to move faster, because while we both loved to draw out this sort of activity as long as we could, this wasn't exactly the place to take it slowly. I started to hum softly every time I went down and when I pulled back next, my eyes shot up and I couldn't hold back my moan when I saw the picture Sasuke presented me. His other hand was clenched between his teeth, muffling his groans; a dark flush decorated his pale cheeks and his eyes shone with lust while they took in the sight of me on my knees. His breathing was starting to sound very laboured and he sank a bit against the window, his trembling knees making it difficult for him to stay standing straight. I felt proud of myself for eliciting such a reaction.

"Fuck, Naruto," he groaned and his hips started to move forwards with more urgency.

Recognizing the signs that he was nearing completion, I took a deep breath, removed my hand and then slid forwards, taking him completely in.

His hand wasn't enough to completely muffle the curses and praises for me that poured out of his mouth and he held the back of my head until he was finished.

I swallowed and pulled back, leaving his hand to dangle next to his side while he was still panting. Licking my lips, I pulled his trousers back up and zipped them, helping him with the belt.

"So, did I follow my own policy?" I raised my eyebrow and grimaced a bit when I stood up, feeling my knees protest a bit. The carpet was apparently not as soft as I had expected it to be.

He grabbed my head with both his hands and pulled me forwards to kiss me harshly. "God, you're amazing," he rasped and his eyes glittered as if he had a fever.

I couldn't contain the smug smile that spread out on my face.

"Need some help?" Sasuke asked and one of his hands slid across my stomach, skimming over my dress.

I batted his hand away and took a deep breath. "No, your parents are probably becoming suspicious and I don't want to ruin this dress. I don't want to anger Haku-kun."

"Too bad," he smirked and gave me another kiss. "Let's go then."

I nodded and followed him back to our table, where I continued my conversation with Mikoto. The entire time, however, I couldn't shake off the feeling of being dirty, because I had went down on Sasuke in this outfit. For some reason, it made me feel uncomfortable. I shook off the feeling before it could take me over completely. So what if it had been wearing women's clothing while doing that? I was still myself, no matter the clothes.

Yes, I was just being an idiot.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Remember when I said it would only be two parts? Yeah, apparently my muse did not agree with me and insisted that this story should have three parts. So there you have it: this story will have three parts. 
> 
> Additional warning: explicit lemon
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto - Kishimoto owns it.

_Part 2_

I had always prided myself on being able to stand my ground, stubborn, not easily swayed. I would never do something that offended my values or principles. I would not stand by idly while someone tried to walk over me, as if I was a simple doormat. I had always been proud of being like that.

So the question now was: where the hell was my pride?

"Naruto-kun," Haku muttered and sounded both disapproving and sad.

Even though I had somewhat expected this reaction, I still winced and avoided his eyes. Numbly I stared at the collection of women's clothing in his wardrobe and tried to decide whether a dress or a skirt would be more suitable for the annually picnic, hosted by the Uchiha family.

Six months after Manami's meeting with the Uchihas, she had been asked to attend the annually picnic, which would take place on the fifteenth of June. Attending this particular picnic was the ultimate dream of every lover of an Uchiha. An invitation to this event equalled a formal acceptance into the family and meant that a marriage was practically waiting around the corner.

I would have been ecstatic to be granted this invitation, but one small detail prevented me from feeling happy: the invitation was addressed to Namikaze Manami. Not Uzumaki Naruto.

I had wanted to rip apart the card, throw it in the fireplace while flipping the Uchiha family the bird, but the sight of Sasuke's face had halted me.

I had never seen Sasuke looking as happy as he did when I received the card, which had been delivered to Sasuke's office, because of course they didn't know my address.

He had been practically glowing; his otherwise cold eyes shining with excitement when they looked over the content, leaving me baffled.

What had struck me the most was the smile playing on his lips. It had been small – a contrast to his eyes – but it had portrayed a childlike happiness: the smile of a child who had finally obtained what he wanted. In this case, Sasuke had finally obtained the approval of his father, which he had been seeking since he was old enough to realise that Itachi was favoured over him.

And all it had taken for him to receive this approval was having an intelligent, beautiful girl as his partner.

All those years of working his arse off, all that time spent doing his best to please his father had finally paid off.

Fugaku had finally acknowledged his youngest son.

I should be happy for Sasuke. No one but me knew how hard Sasuke had worked to receive the acknowledgement; how miserable he had often been. How many times he had felt inferior, unworthy. After all those years of supporting him; of holding him throughout the night after Fugaku's dismissal had made him furious and upset; of distracting him when he was reaching his breaking point; after all that time I should be happy for him.

I felt _hollow_.

I tried so hard to refuse him when he asked me to dress up again. I had already spent more time dressed as a girl than I expected to do when we first concocted the plan and so I would have been in my rights to refuse him and force him to come clean to his parents. After all he had made me a promise to tell them.

I had planned to refuse, but I had forgotten that Sasuke's eyes held a power over me that disarmed me each time. His eyes were my weakness and he was most likely aware of what he could do to me.

And so, here I was again at Haku's house, trying to find an outfit while loathing myself for giving in once again. My pride had left me and was laughing at me from wherever it was hiding.

"Naruto-kun, don't you think it's …" Haku started softly, but I cut him off.

"Please, don't. I'm not in the mood for that," I replied flatly.

"I am worried about you," Haku persisted. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed; his large, brown eyes tracking my progress.

"Don't be," I muttered petulantly and my gaze travelled over a blood red shirt.

"Naruto-kun."

Annoyed, I whirled around and snapped, "What?"

He didn't look perturbed at my snappish reply. "How much longer are you going to do this?" He waved at the open wardrobe.

"You don't understand," I mumbled, evading his eyes.

"No, I don't," he agreed calmly. "I have never known you to give up your principles so easily."

"I didn't …" I started to protest, but stopped myself. He was right: I couldn't look at myself in the mirror this morning because I felt so ashamed for giving in again.

"How many times already have you been here to borrow clothes?"

I kept quiet, feeling my cheeks burn in humiliation.

"Why are you letting him do this to you?" Haku asked and looked at me with troubled eyes. "You're not the Naruto I've known for years."

That hurt. I knew I had changed, but to hear it be put that bluntly … It stung as if Haku had punched me. I wasn't proud of who I had become, but I couldn't disappoint Sasuke either! Not now, not when he was finally completely happy.

I tried to explain it to my friend. "I know I should have refused, but you didn't see how happy he was when he saw the invitation. He has been trying to get his father's approval for years and now he finally has it, so …"

"At the expense of you!" Haku suddenly exclaimed and I was so shocked at the unexpected tone that I just kept standing there gaping. My lack of verbal reaction seemed to spur him on. "Yes, he's happy now. Good for him. I'm glad the old man finally realised he has a second son. But you're the one who's suffering now!"

"You're exaggerating," I snorted.

"No, I'm not! Don't you realise the truth?" he snapped angrily. "He's never going to come clean to his parents! Why should he when his lover is content to keep dressing up as a girl? He knows he won't have to risk angering his parents, because he knows you're just going to doll up to please him! He's deceiving you and you're too smitten with him to realise that!"

"Shut up! Don't talk about him like that!"

My angry shouting brought Zabuza upstairs and he appeared in the doorway; his height looming ominously over us.

"What the fuck is going on here?" he snapped and glared at me. Noticing his boyfriend's shocked face, he immediately walked over and pulled him in his arms. His glare intensified. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" I snarled, my whole body tensed in fury. "Your boyfriend is sticking his nose in business that doesn't belong to him!"

"That doesn't give you the right to …"

"Zabuza, please don't," Haku pleaded and turned around to hug the larger man around his neck, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Don't fight with Naruto-kun. It's not his fault. I went too far."

Zabuza threw me another glare and I glared back. I was hoping Zabuza would ignore Haku's plea: I was so frustrated I was itching to have a good brawl. But of course I wouldn't get what I wanted. When had it ever been different?

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun," Haku said sincerely. "I didn't mean to be so rude."

Damn it. I breathed out slowly and forced my fists to unclench. I could never stay mad at Haku for long.

"I'm just worried about you," he told me softly. "I don't want you to lose yourself because of Sasuke-kun. You deserve better, Naruto-kun."

"Don't," I answered tiredly and rubbed my hands over my face. "I know Sasuke loves me. The least I can do is help him with this. He was there for me when no one else was. Now it's my turn to be there for him. I just need to tough it out for a little bit longer."

"If he really loved you, Naruto-kun, he wouldn't ask this of you." His brown eyes looked at me sadly.

I ignored his remark. "Can you please help me find an outfit for the picnic?" I pleaded and crossed my arms to hide the trembling limbs. I wanted nothing more than to go home and watch some television before Sasuke would be home. I just wanted to feel like any regular guy waiting for his lover to arrive home.

"Of course, Naruto-kun."

I hoped I was just imagining his disappointed tone. The hollow feeling in my chest told me the truth.

* * *

"You look beautiful," Sasuke whispered in my ear and his arm around my waist tightened briefly.

I smiled wanly, not giving a verbal reply and opted instead to try to ignore how weird the cool breeze felt against my shaved legs. My outfit consisting out of a sunflower yellow T-shirt and white skirt falling just above my knees combined with the hot weather didn't allow for long trousers unless I wanted to feel uncomfortable. So I was left with no choice but to shave my legs if I didn't want the truth to be let out.

The things I did for the bastard …

"I am glad to see you again, Manami-chan," Mikoto smiled warmly. "Sasuke."

She accepted the kiss he pressed on her slender hand.

I bowed slightly, having noticed the change in suffix. I swallowed and said, "Thank you for inviting me. I really appreciate it."

Fugaku appeared next to her. "Welcome, Manami-san," he greeted me and dipped his head in a short bow.

I could practically feel Sasuke vibrating next to me.

I gave another bow. "Thank you for inviting me."

Sasuke's grandmother pressing my hands between hers made it official: I was accepted in the family.

Well, to be more precise: Manami was accepted into the family. I tried to curb down the bitterness I felt. I didn't want anyone asking me what was wrong.

"I can't believe he formally accepted you like that," Sasuke murmured and his voice brimmed with excitement. He was standing behind me, his arms clasped around my waist.

"It's great, huh?" I muttered and couldn't work up the enthusiasm that Sasuke probably would expect from me.

He didn't seem to notice my lack of interest. "And you even got accepted earlier in the family than Konan did," he continued in a gloating manner.

"Yay me," I deadpanned.

"Welcome to the family, Manami-chan," Konan smiled. She was holding her baby of two months in her arms. They had named the girl Rin and she had her father's hair but her mother's eyes. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Eh, sure," I murmured uncertainly and awkwardly held the baby against my chest. She blinked sleepily at me and yawned. I resisted the urge to coo.

"Grandmother and mother are already conspiring about a future wedding for you two," Itachi stated dryly and I almost choked in my spit.

_What?_

Sasuke casted me a quick glance, but I ignored his look and instead fixed my gaze on the baby gurgling in my arms.

"They love planning festivities way too much." Sasuke shook his head, but the look he threw the two women was fond.

"No, they love additions to the family," Itachi corrected his brother and snorted. "After the wedding, they probably will be planning the baby shower next."

I had to get away. I quickly, but carefully handed over Rin back to her mother and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I'm a bit thirsty so I'm going to get a drink."

Before either one of them could say something, I quickly walked over the table set up underneath the shade of some trees, which held several jugs with beverages.

I hoped there was some alcoholic drink available, because I was going to need it if I wanted to get through this day. Honestly, who the hell started to plan a wedding without even a proposal? I ignored the churning of my stomach and instead downed a glass of champagne.

I could get through this. It was only one afternoon.

* * *

Even though it had been my intention to get tipsy and convince Sasuke through that to return home, the afternoon ended with me being completely sober and Sasuke inebriated. I assumed he had been so happy with his family's approval that he had gone overboard with the alcoholic drinks.

When he had started to sway lightly, I had hastily said goodbye to the family and had led him to his car, taking the keys from him so that I could drive. There was no way in hell he would be the one behind the wheel in his state.

He was mostly quiet throughout the car trip and I was starting to wonder whether he would just fall asleep. If he was planning to do that, I hoped he would wait with that until we were inside.

"You – you did really well today." His speech was slightly slurred and his eyes were trained on my trying to unbuckle his belt after I parked on my driveway.

I snorted. "Why thank you," I muttered monotonously.

"Re-really happy that they accepted you," he muttered and I finally managed to free him.

I didn't reply and stepped out of the car, quickly walking to the other side so that I could get Sasuke out of the car without him injuring himself.

Luckily he was able to walk on his own, though I kept my arm around his waist in case he stumbled.

I closed the door behind us with a sigh and locked it. I turned around and noticed Sasuke leaning against the wall, studying me with dazed eyes.

"You do, you know," he suddenly blurted out.

"I do what?" I raised my eyebrow and hung his keys on a small hook next to our coats.

"You do look beautiful," he repeated and waved his hand lazily at my outfit.

"Every guy just loves to be called beautiful while dressed up as a girl," I muttered darkly and viciously kicked off my heels. I nearly groaned at the relief I felt of having my two feet steady on the floor.

Next on the list to take off were my clothes. I walked upstairs to my bedroom and had just removed the light shawl that was meant to hide my Adam's apple, when I suddenly felt two hands slipping underneath my shirt while a warm chest was pressed against my back.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously.

"I want you," he whispered in my ear and he took my earlobe between his lips to suckle on it.

My breath escaped in a hiss. "I thought you were too drunk to do anything but sleep."

His chuckle vibrated against my back. "I'm never too drunk to do you."

"How incredibly romantic," I teased and turned around in his arms so that I could face him.

"Never took you to be the romantic type." His eyes gained more focus and he looked at me amused.

"Luckily for you, I'm not that type," I hummed and started to unbutton his shirt. "Let's face it: you're not the most romantic guy on earth."

"And yet, I managed to get a girl like you." He winked and I punched his arm while scowling at him.

"Don't call me a girl!"

He quickly bent down and kissed me, while pressing a leg between mine. He slid his knee up until it pressed harshly against me and I let out a soft moan.

For someone who had consumed a lot of alcohol, he was remarkably fast in shedding off his clothes and in only two minutes he was standing completely naked in front of me. I lifted up my shirt and he fell down on his knees, grabbing me by my hips so he could press kisses around my bellybutton. Shivering from the feeling of his lips touching my skin, I quickly threw the shirt at my chair and it slid down on the floor in a small heap.

Before I could rid myself of the annoying padded bra, two pale hands shot out and captured my wrists.

"What?" I asked confused when he brought my hands back down.

"Leave it on," he rasped and released my wrists in favour of slipping his hands underneath my skirt.

"What the hell? No," I retorted and tried to take the bra off again.

"Please? You look really amazing right now. I want to try it like this," he muttered and four fingers hooked underneath the waistband of my boxers and pulled it down, leaving the garment to pool around my ankles. He threw them an amused look. "No panties?"

I contemplated how quick he would be able to retaliate if I should punch him now. He was still drunk, but considering how close he was, he probably would manage to grab my legs and make me tumble down. Getting my head bashed against the floor wasn't worth it. "No." I glared at him. "Since when do you have a fetish like this?"

He gave me a crooked smile. "Since you look so great in it," he told me and slapped my arse, making me stumble a bit from the unexpected sting.

"Fuck it," I muttered and stepped out of my boxers. I just wanted to forget what had happened today and Sasuke always managed to make my mind go blank. Of course I wouldn't be able to completely forget what had happened, but if I could just have a few hours where I didn't have to replay the entire scene, I would be content. And if I had to do this in a skirt and that damned bra, so be it. I couldn't be particularly arsed to care right now. I just would get rid of the clothes once we were finished.

"Don't make a habit out of this," I warned him and pulled him up, pushing him on the bed.

"Hm."

"I mean it, Sasuke! This is only for today," I said seriously.

Sasuke crawled backwards until he was in the middle of the bed. He cocked his head and smirked. "Yes, I know. Come here, now." He beckoned me and I rolled my eyes, but climbed in the bed, grateful that the skirt fell loosely around my legs and therefore there was little to no chance I would rip it accidentally.

His hands closed around my arms and pulled me forwards until he could push me around so that I ended up lying down on my back on the bed.

He raised my right leg up in the air and his free hand trailed over my hairless skin, making shivers erupt over my body; his hand felt searing hot against my skin.

"So soft," he muttered in a low voice and started pressing kisses on my leg: starting from my ankle, making a path over my leg, lingering on my knee until he carefully pushed the skirt up so that my thighs were visible. The feather light kisses and soft nips changed to a sudden teasing bite making me gasp for air and he started to suck a bruise in my inner thigh, making me squirm lightly.

I held my breath when his lips trailed higher up and let it back out in a whining groan when he just pressed a kiss on my hip and pulled back with a smirk lingering on his lips.

"You're a bastard," I breathed out and glared weakly.

His smirk widened. "Be patient," he murmured and bent over me to kiss me. His one hand slipped into the fake blonde hair I was still wearing and I heard him ruffle through the drawer of the nightstand with his other hand. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and deepened the kiss, swallowing his triumphant sound when he managed to find the half empty bottle of lube.

"We really should start keeping it closer," he muttered against my lips and impatiently uncapped the bottle.

"It can't get any closer than the nightstand," I snickered and inhaled sharply when I felt a slick finger entering me without any warning. I threw him a half-hearted scowl. "Give a warning next time."

"Where would be the fun in that?" he smiled and nuzzled with his nose in my neck.

My hand shot from his shoulder to his hair and I gripped it tightly when a second finger joined the first, stretching me more than the first one did, making it burn a bit.

“God, I love how tight you are,” Sasuke muttered dazed against my collarbone and kissed it. His lips slid over my collarbone down to my stomach, tracing the edge of my ribs that were faintly visible. The air felt cool against the wet marks and I shivered a bit, biting back a groan when a third finger surprised me.

“My, aren’t we impatient today,” I murmured and wiggled my hips, quickly getting used to the feeling of being stretched with three fingers now.

A fleeting smile was my reply before he dipped his tongue in my navel and simultaneously rotated his fingers inside me, going even deeper, skimming across a sensitive spot in me, making me moan out loud and curl a bit inwards; though Sasuke laying down between my legs prevented me from completely curling up.

“Found it,” he smirked and before I could retort, he curled his fingers slightly, as if in a beckoning manner and my following groan was embarrassingly loud in the otherwise silent room when he pressed against that particular spot more harshly.

He pulled back and I bit on my lip to avoid letting out a small whine at the sudden feeling of emptiness. The look he threw me told me clearly that he knew what I was doing and I cursed him for still being so observant while having a lot of alcohol in his system; how the hell did he manage to stay so composed? Was there some sort of Uchiha secret when it concerned alcohol?

My musing was cut off when I felt his cock entering me slowly, stretching me wider than his fingers had done and this time I couldn’t hold back the small whine. It wasn’t painful, but it did sting a bit and my breathing quickened while my arms closed around his neck. His breathing was laboured in my neck when he finally halted inside me, his hips pressing against my own, his cock filling me up completely, his body trembling in my hold and deep inside I felt a bit smug that I could break through his cold exterior.

A yelp tore through the silence when he suddenly flipped over, landing on his back with me on top of him.

He patted my thigh and then gripped my hips tightly, making the skirt bunch up a bit. “You’re going to ride me.”

I would have bristled at the command, but the breathless tone he murmured it in and the way his eyes were half lidded and staring at me hungrily, convinced me and I slowly started to move up and down, trying to find the right angle. I put my hands behind me on his legs so that I had some extra support and when I next shifted my hips, he pressed against that special spot and I moaned loudly, throwing my head back.

“Th-there, oh, fuck, there!”

“Yes, that’s it; I want to hear you,” Sasuke murmured and his hands rubbed up and down over my hips, sometimes caressing my thighs, making my breath hitch and lose my build up rhythm for a moment. The skirt rubbed against my hard cock and I started to pant, my hands tightening around his legs while I continued to roll my hips, pressing down hard every time I let myself drop down on his cock.

Soft moans and whimpered groans flew out of my mouth and a loud gasp escaped me when Sasuke suddenly sat up, brought his arms around my shoulders and tugged me down. Without pulling out, he swiftly turned me around and soon he was driving into me, taking over control.

“Ah, hm, Sa-Sasuke,” I keened and I gripped his hand tightly between my fingers when I felt him biting me in my neck.

One of his hands slid underneath my right leg and he ran it over my knee before pushing it up and bringing it over his shoulder while his mouth sucked furiously in my neck.

I yelled out once the slight change in position brought him closer to me and my hand scrambled over the rumpled sheets, gripping them as some sort of support. The friction of his stomach and skirt rubbing against my leaking erection made me shudder and I could feel my orgasm building up like a fire that became bigger with every piece of wood it devoured. I bit my lower lip hard and threw my head back against the pillow, the overload of sensations making me squeeze my eyes shut, while my body trembled and shivered; my inner muscles clamping down on Sasuke, whose hips were starting to hammer more harshly against my arse. I let out a weak whine, trying to catch my breath again.

My eyes shot open, staring at the light blue ceiling of my bedroom when I felt and heard Sasuke muttering something against my skin, his lips feeling extremely warm against my neck while his warm seed filled my canal.

His hand that had been holding up my leg dropped down on the bed and with an exhausted sigh, he fell down next to me; one arm slung over my chest, his face close to mine. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, leaving my body to cool off, the wet patches on my skin taking a bit longer to dry up.

I, however, was not able to fall asleep that easily. Numbly I pushed his arm away and sat up so that I could unhook the bra. I dropped it next to me on the floor, on top of my shirt and lifted my hips so that I could get rid of the skirt, which was now rather dirty. I would wash those clothes thoroughly before returning them to Haku. Or maybe I should just throw them away; saving us both the embarrassment.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, my feet touching the rumpled clothes and I turned around to gaze at the man sleeping next to me. I twisted my upper body and stretched out a hand so that I could carefully touch his face. My fingers traced his thin eyebrows, barely grazed the closed eyes, caressed his cheeks, slid over his nose down until they rested on his mouth. With a finger I carefully traced his lips, mouthing the word he had murmured against my skin while he found his own release.

His lips parted and a warm gush of breath twisted around my finger. I retracted my hand and laid down again, staring at the ceiling blankly until sleep finally consumed me.

* * *

Fights between us were not rare. When we first met, we nearly had a fist fight right away – and all because I had tripped and spilled some juice on his jacket. Even when we became a couple, our fighting didn't cease completely. At the most the amount of fights lowered; mostly because all our arguments were solved in bed. Or against the wall. Or in the car. On any available surface, really.

Arguments that escalated into fights were usually quickly forgotten. We didn't like to dwell on past arguments and so didn't bring back old arguments into new fights. After we reconciled, the argument was considered finished, never being brought up again.

Too bad we couldn't continue that particular pattern.

After that one afternoon where Sasuke had insisted on me wearing the girly clothing to sleep with him, our fighting started anew, after lying dormant for nearly half a year. Small arguments simmered until they exploded in loud fighting and now either the fight was forgotten in favour of rough, angry sex or by simply not mentioning it again, which led to Sasuke spending a few days in his own apartment before he was back in my place.

The fights didn't have the same subject. They ranged from me forgetting to bring his suit to the dry cleaning to him staying out late without calling me, leaving me in a worried state.

However, I knew the underlying cause of all the fights: Manami. I had grown to loathe the mask I was forced to wear during interaction with his family. There were times when I just wanted to rip off the wig, wipe off the make-up and show them my short hair and scars on my cheeks, show them _who I really was_.

And yet, even though I probably would have dared to do that a couple of years ago, now I didn't dare to do that. Not because I feared them getting furious at me – I didn't care about that. I did care about the backlash that Sasuke would receive if I ever told the truth in this manner.

I knew I should stop caring about the possible backlash; I knew I should start urging Sasuke to tell his family the truth. Every time he requested me to wear women's clothing, I was ready to tell him to go to hell and just inform his family of the truth. Yet, every time I surrendered, because I didn't want to wipe off that ecstatic look on his face.

Sasuke had been happy when he was finally acknowledged by his father, but he was absolutely ecstatic once he was informed by his father that he would receive more important, more difficult cases. Cases that would win him a lot of reputation if he handled them well. Cases that showed that Fugaku thought his son capable enough to run his company.

Barely two months after receiving the first difficult case, Sasuke had been informed that he was considered as the next leader of the company once his father retired.

I was happy for Sasuke; really I was. I knew how much he wanted that particular position, because it would show friends and enemies how powerful he would be.

But all I could think of was the fact that after nearly a year, Sasuke still hadn't informed his parents about me. I hadn't set foot in the Uchiha mansion for nearly a year; Manami on the other hand was basically there every two weeks. Mikoto adored her future daughter-in-law and Fugaku was proud of his son for finding such a fine woman.

Even Itachi's son Deidara, who had been shy at first, called Manami 'auntie' and loved to play with her whenever he was visiting his grandparents.

Yes, Manami was adored by the entire Uchiha family.

How pathetic was it that I was losing against someone _who didn't even exist?_

* * *

Two weeks after my birthday, Manami was once again invited. This time it was to celebrate the birthday of Sasuke's grandmother. As her birthday was very important, I was required to wear a fancy dress.

I was barely able to look Haku in his eyes when I made that request.

I sighed and tried to mask my irritation. It wouldn't do for anyone belonging to the Uchiha family to notice my growing annoyance. Sasuke had left me a few minutes before to speak with his mother and grandmother in private and I was leaning against the wall, taking small sips of the bubbly champagne, trying to ignore the curious looks of the family members who hadn't had the chance to get to meet Sasuke's girlfriend.

Not giving them the chance to reach me and attempt to make idle conversation, I placed my half empty glass on the small table and wandered away, keeping as close to the walls as possible so that I wouldn't attract unwanted attention.

I managed to slip out of the ballroom without anyone noticing me and my hand trailed against the wall while my feet padded across the carpeted hallway. I was almost reaching the kitchen area – just one corner separating me from seeing the kitchen – when I suddenly heard Mikoto's joyful voice and I abruptly halted, pressing myself flat against the wall.

"How long have you been seeing Manami-chan now, Sasuke?"

"Almost fourteen months." The answer flowed smoothly over his lips and it wouldn't surprise me if the bastard had fabricated an entire timeline to erase any doubts about the relationship.

"Do you not suppose it is time then that you make it legal?" The sound of a cane tapping on the floor accompanied the question of Sasuke's grandmother.

I froze and held my breath. I wasn't certain whether I really wanted to hear Sasuke's answer to this, but it was as if my body was frozen and I couldn't move away even if I wanted.

So I kept standing there, hidden from sight, but able to hear the conversation clearly.

"Yes, I even have the ring ready."

My heartbeat sounded awfully loud suddenly and I felt uncomfortably warm in my loose dress.

"Really? Is it worthy of an Uchiha?"

"What do you think, grandmother?"

The sound of a box clicking open was heard and I heard two small gasps following.

"My, Sasuke, this ring is absolutely stunning!" Mikoto gushed. "Manami-chan will love it!"

"I hope she will," Sasuke laughed.

"I hope to see this ring on her finger soon, Sasuke," his grandmother told him sternly. "I am not becoming younger and I would like to see the great-grandchild whom she will bear. She is worthy of the Uchiha family; you have my blessing."

A ring. Sasuke had bought a ring to propose. He had ordered a ring to propose to a woman who didn't even exist in real life. His grandmother had given him her blessing.

Suddenly it felt as if I couldn't breathe and I nearly ran out of the corridor, pushing past startled waiters and waitresses. I didn't stop until I reached the door that would lead me to my temporary safe haven.

The cold air bit at my skin as soon as I stepped outside. My breath came out as white fog, but I didn't pay any attention to that. I walked until I found the tree in which Sasuke and I had spent quite some time when we were younger.

My hand reached out and touched the cold bark, feeling the roughness of it scratching my palm.

I stood there motionlessly, staring at the old tree, wondering why my sight was becoming so blurry until I realised it and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears from leaking out.

My hand clenched against the tree, feeling the bark digging into my skin while I tried to keep control over myself, tried to stop the shuddering breaths that were making my chest hurt. Tried to ignore the biting cold and how I wasn't wearing my jacket. Tried to ignore the stinging hot tears desperate to well over.

Tried to ignore how my heart hurt.

* * *

Sasuke found me some time later. I had lost my sense of time and only became aware of his presence when I suddenly felt a warm jacket falling over my shoulders.

"What on earth are you doing here without a jacket?" he scolded me and rubbed his hands briskly over my arms, trying to warm me up. "Fuck, it's too cold to just stand here in a dress; what the hell were you thinking?"

I didn't reply. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I would start screaming at him, shout at him until the people inside the house became aware of it and come out to figure out what the fight was about. I was afraid that if I started talking, I would start delivering punches.

"Come on, let's go back inside before you get ill," Sasuke sighed and pulled me around.

He frowned. "Were you crying?"

I looked away and took a deep breath, praying that my voice wouldn't give me away. "Can we please go home? I'm tired."

Normally Sasuke would call me out on my lie, but something on my face made him decide to keep quiet about it and instead he led me back inside. He excused us by his family, picked up my jacket and soon we were back in his car, driving to my home in silence.

I could feel him sneaking glances at me, trying to figure out what was wrong, but he didn't break the silence, for which I was oddly grateful.

The silence continued until we entered my home. The sound of the door locking sounded very loud and without waiting for Sasuke nor paying any attention to the bag he was carrying, I viciously ripped the wig off my head and I threw it down on the coffee table in the living room when I passed it. My heels were kicked off harshly; two 'thumps' letting me know they had hit the wall.

I could feel dark eyes staring at me, but I ignored them and made my way upstairs so that I could change. Taking enough care to not damage the dress, I let it pool around my ankles and hastily pulled on some jogging pants and a worn out sweater.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Sasuke asked calmly and placed the bag next to him on the floor.

I turned around and glared at him. "A ring, Sasuke? Really?" I spat out and had the satisfaction of seeing his eyes widening in shock.

"You heard that."

I snorted and shook my head, clenching my arms tightly over each other, lest I was tempted to punch the asshole in his face. "Yeah, I heard that. I can't believe the fucking nerve of you!" I hissed.

Sasuke grimaced and raked a hand through his hair. "Listen, it's just that I knew they would start asking soon about that, so I decided to be quicker and I bought a ring to placate them." He shrugged.

Shrugged as if it wasn't a huge deal.

"That's not the fucking point, Sasuke!" I raised my voice and really wanted to grab something so that I could smash it against the wall. I couldn't remember a time when I had been this furious. "The fucking point is that you continue to keep this charade going on and I'm getting sick of it!" I gestured wildly at his pocket where I presumed the ring to be. "How much longer are you going to keep doing this? Until you propose to Manami? Until you have to marry Manami? And what then?"

"Will you please calm down?" Sasuke asked annoyed.

"Don't tell me what to do! I've been doing what you want for nearly a damn year now! When are you going to do what I want? When are you finally going to come clean to your parents?" Fury was making me see red and I knew from past experiences that it wouldn't be long now before a punch landed.

Question was who would be the first one to land a punch?

"It's not a good time, all right?" Sasuke shifted his feet and threw me an uncomfortable look. "Father is in the progress of handing over some really important clients to me and I can't have him distracted now."

"Distracted," I snorted and then abruptly closed my mouth, biting on my lip while I stared out of the window. I had to calm down. Getting into a physical fight wouldn't solve anything.

But I was so fucking furious now …

"I know it's been a long time already and I'm really grateful that you are willing to do this for me," Sasuke murmured softly and I hated that tone of voice. He always used that particular soft tone when he was planning on persuading me to see his side and he fucking knew he would succeed. It had never been different.

I heard him come closer and in the reflection of the window, I could see his hand reaching out to touch my shoulder. Before his hand could land on me, I twisted around out of his reach and stared at him.

He stared back at me, his eyes calculating and troubled.

"What's in that bag?" I asked and from the way he blinked a few consecutive times I could see I had caught him off guard with my question.

Even I had to admit that it had come out of the blue. I knew I should focus on the present argument, but something about that bag disturbed me. I thought I had seen it somewhere before, but I didn't know where.

He cleared his throat and stepped back. "Nothing special. Just something I bought the other day."

I narrowed my eyes and for once I was faster than him. I managed to evade his grabbing hands by rolling over my bed, and when my feet touched the floor, I quickly bent down and snatched the bag off the floor, feeling surprised at how light it felt.

"Naruto, wait!"

Too late.

A blood red bra with matching silk underwear, followed by a red garter belt and sheer stockings fell out of the bag and I stared at the clothing articles numbly before Sasuke managed to snatch them off the bed and dump them in the bag. Only now did I see where the bag came from: Victoria's Secret.

"What the hell are you doing with those clothes?" I asked coldly.

Sasuke clenched his jaw and looked away.

"Answer me!"

"You look hot in women's underwear, okay?" he suddenly snapped and glared at me as if I was the one at fault here. "Ever since we fucked when you were wearing that bra and skirt, I thought you looked hot in that get up and so I …"

"So you bought that? What, discovered a new hidden kink?" I sneered and my breathing quickened. "Or discovered that you like a female body more than a male one?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? I don't like a female body more than …"

"I'm not a girl, bastard! If you want to fuck someone in a bra and fucking stockings with a goddamn garter belt, go find a real girl then!" I screamed, my heartbeat roaring like thunder in my ears. "I'm never going to be a girl! I'm a man! But apparently you're getting confused about that particular fact! Newsflash: you're dating me, Naruto, not that imaginary chick Manami!"

Anger sparked in his eyes. "I know goddamn well that you're a guy, Naruto," he growled. "And I don't need a girl. What's so wrong with just occasionally …"

"Don't dare to finish that sentence unless you want to get your face rearranged," I whispered and glared at him menacingly.

He finally seemed to have caught on the fact that I was more furious than he had ever seen me be.

He took a deep breath and reached out with his hands. "Naruto, can we please …"

"Get the fuck out of here."

Sasuke stared at me in shock. Any other day I would relish the fact that I had managed to shape his face in that particular look, but all I could think now was that I wanted to be alone. I was terrified of what I would do if he stayed any longer. I couldn't bear to look at him now.

"Don't make me repeat myself. Get the fuck out of here. I mean it, Sasuke. I don't want you here."

"Fine, I leave – for now. But I'll come back and we'll talk about this."

I didn't say anything when he passed me by and remained standing there while I heard him descending the stairs and heard the door shut behind him. Five minutes later his car finally departed.

Slowly I picked up my cell phone and used one of the few shortcut keys I had.

"Naruto-kun?"

"Can you please come over? I – I … Sasuke …"

Some vague noises in the background. "I'll be right there, Naruto-kun."

"Thanks." I disconnected the call and like a zombie I walked downstairs until I sank down on the couch. "Like a girl crying to her friends about a fight with her boyfriend," I muttered and a bitter laugh escaped me.

Was this what they called irony?

* * *

"I don't know what the hell I should do now," I muttered and took a swig from my bottle of cheap beer.

Haku gazed at me with calm eyes, a glass of soda between his two hands. Being the good friend he was, he had not mentioned once during my whole retelling of the event that he had warned me about this. I appreciated that. I was already feeling down enough without the reminder that Haku had predicted months ago that this little charade wouldn't end well.

He exhaled softly and shook his head. "What do you want me to say, Naruto-kun?" He raised an eyebrow.

I shrugged and tightened my grip around the bottle. "I don't know; maybe give me some sort of advice? You know, like friends always do."

"You know what I think about this charade," he murmured and his mouth tightened. "To be honest, I'm surprised you didn't punch him after you discovered the bag."

I grimaced. "I wanted to punch him. That's why I told him to get out."

He cocked his head and something in his eyes glinted.

"What?" I frowned.

"Nothing," he replied soothingly. "Just that you seem to have become more mature. A year ago you wouldn't have hesitated to punch him."

I stiffened and looked down. Here it was again: the implication that I had changed.

"Look, at this particular moment, I'm not really inclined to like Sasuke. However," he took a deep breath and continued, "While he has some family issues, I do know that he cares about you a lot. If you really want my advice, I'd say that you give him one last chance. It's been nearly a year since you started this. Give him one last chance to prove that he really means it with you. Next time his family wants to meet with Manami, he has to tell them the truth. He owes you that."

I licked my lips and looked up. "And what if … if he doesn't do it? What then?"

"I think you know what to do then in that case," he answered softly.

I tensed and bit hard on my lip, understanding what he meant. That didn't mean I liked hearing it.

"I miss the old Naruto-kun," Haku suddenly said. "I miss having fun with you. You're one of my best friends, Naruto-kun and I hate seeing you like this. Where is the old you who never gave up? Where is the guy who was proud of who he was, other people's opinion be damned?"

"Haku-kun, don't," I whispered, but for once Haku didn't listen.

"No, Naruto-kun, you are the one who called me and wanted advice. You don't get to backtrack now, after all this," he told me and his eyes glowed fiercely. "When I was in that bad relationship, you kept telling me how I had to leave him, how I was better than to stay with him. I finally listened and realised you were right. I was in a bad relationship and I needed to get out of it."

"Sasuke never abused me!" I snapped, definitely not liking the fact that Haku basically put Sasuke in the same category as the douchebag who had abused him for months before he had managed to escape his clutches. I was angry at Sasuke now, but that didn't give Haku the right to accuse him of something like that.

"It doesn't have to be abusive to be a bad relationship!" Haku replied loudly. "What you have now is not a healthy relationship, Naruto-kun. It's on a path to become a bad relationship if you don't do something now. Tell Sasuke he has to come clean about your relationship the next time you meet his family. Or are you willing to marry him disguised as a girl? How are you going to explain the fact that you can't bear children? Are you going to give up who you really are just for his sake? Are you okay with hiding yourself from the real world?"

No, no, of course I was not okay with hiding from the real world. I wanted to be able to show the world who my lover was. I wanted to be able to hold his hand in public, kiss him in public without having to fear that his family would hear about it. I didn't want to hide.

I released my breath in a slow exhale, thinking about what Haku said. He was right; I had asked him for advice and now he had given me some. It would be childish to reject it, just because it was something I didn't want to hear. This whole time I had been adamant that Sasuke told his family the truth and yet I had never really pushed him.

On the contrary, I had given in every time he asked me to dress up. No wonder Sasuke had still not made a move to tell his family; I was stupid to have enabled the whole charade for so long. Because without me, the entire lie collapsed. The lie started with my cooperation and would only end if I pulled back from it. I should have ended the lie long before it lead to this. It was my own fault that it had dragged on for this long.

"You're right, Haku-kun," I muttered after a long silence had fallen between us.

"Talk with Sasuke. Give him a chance to make it right. And for god's sake, don't let him convince you otherwise with sex!" Haku sighed exasperatedly and shook his head.

I spluttered and stammered, felt my face flaming up in embarrassment.

"I have to go now. Talk with him," Haku insisted one last time before he left me alone with my brooding thoughts.

One last chance, huh? I could agree with giving him one last chance to prove himself. The question remained whether I would be strong enough to make the right decision afterwards.

My insides cramping up, I pushed another speed dial and waited for the other person to pick up.

"Yes?"

My head fell back against the couch and I stared out of the window. "We need to talk."


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: And here's the final part! It took me a bit to write it and rewrite it and add things etc. but I finally managed to finish it (it took me a month to post an entire birthday fic, damn)
> 
> I hope it doesn't feel too rushed; I rewrote it a few times and this was the best I could come up with *sweatdrops*
> 
> Warnings: drama; angst; open ending (you'll see what I mean at the end); time skip. Oh and the new character mentioned in this chapter is actually someone from the series - I just didn't mention the name, because you can imagine him who you want him to be.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto - Kishimoto owns it
> 
> IMPORTANT QUESTION: I actually have an idea in mind to create a side story (just a oneshot) where Naruto's life at a certain moment will be written with more detail (I can't give too much away yet here because that would spoil this chapter, but this particular oneshot would go into more detail regarding Naruto's life right before the ending of the chapter). Would you guys be interested in reading such a oneshot? 
> 
> So let me know whether you're interested in reading a side story and or who you think the mysterious guy was.
> 
> (I can't say for certain when the side story would be posted, but at least it would be on my to do list) If my request was a bit unclear here (which is probably is because I put it at the beginning instead of the end) then I can clarify more in a reply or so.
> 
> Enjoy this last chapter!

_Part 3_

Sasuke hadn't been willing at first to agree with my condition. It was no wonder; he always liked to be in control and with this particular condition he would practically give it away. However, while I might have changed during the last year, my stubborn streak was still present and after a few hours of arguing, shouting and putting my foot down, Sasuke finally agreed to inform his family about our relationship at the next gathering.

I was so pleased that the rest of the night was spent in bed, our bodies sliding easily against each other, while we fell into a comfortable rhythm. For the first time in months I felt hopeful again and a spark of happiness was cautiously spreading throughout my body. I admonished myself, told myself I shouldn't get too excited yet, not until I heard Sasuke informing his parents, but I couldn't hold back the giddy feeling that was cradling me in its grip.

Finally, finally, after all those years of hiding, after all those months of dressing up as a girl, finally Sasuke would inform his parents and while I wasn't that naïve to expect a positive reaction immediately, it was enough that our relationship would finally be in the open.

The sun was slowly rising when we finally collapsed in a sweaty heap on the bed.

"Hm, love you," I murmured sleepily and I closed my eyes, letting sleep take me over.

A kiss was brushed over my lips. "Love you too."

For the first time in a long while, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

The next family gathering turned out to be two days after Christmas. For – hopefully – the last time I put make-up on and forced myself in a red dress that swished around my ankles every time I took a step while putting the hair of the wig in a high ponytail.

The few hours between waking up and departing to the Uchiha Manor had Sasuke stalking through my home, snapping through the phone at whoever had been unfortunate enough to pick up the phone. His forehead was creased with annoyance and I had lost count of the times he had raked his hand through his hair.

I was watching him from my spot on the couch while I sipped from a mug filled with coffee. I knew he was nervous. He only acted this rude and snappish towards other people if he was feeling nervous or uncomfortable. And while I did feel sympathetic for him and didn't want him to be this nervous, I also couldn't help but be excited that he would finally acknowledge me as his lover in front of his family. I had been waiting years for this and I couldn't wait until the whole gathering was over and they finally knew who Sasuke really loved. It wasn't Manami, but me, Naruto.

I had to stifle a smirk when I imagined Fugaku's spluttering face when he heard the truth.

Sasuke passed me by once again; his explanation of a case riddled through with curses.

Shaking my head, I walked to the kitchen to put my empty mug in the sink and then went to Sasuke so that I could rescue the unfortunate employee to whom he was talking.

"Sasuke, I think he understands it now," I murmured and pressed a hand against his shoulder.

Sasuke stopped and black eyes searched my face. He narrowed them, pursed his lips and for a few seconds I thought he would ignore me and continue berating the poor employee about whatever he had done wrong in the preparation of a case.

But no, he sighed and told the employee to leave the file on his desk before he cut off the conversation.

"Too bad he didn't understand it sooner," he muttered darkly and pocketed his phone.

I rolled my eyes and gave him a quick peck on his lips. "Everyone makes mistakes," I reminded him and he scoffed.

"That doesn't mean we can afford those mistakes. Especially not with this particular client," he pointed out with a grimace.

"Well, this particular client will have to wait," I announced and turned around to grab his jacket. "Otherwise we'll be late and you know how your mum gets when we're late."

He snorted and murmured something underneath his breath, which I ignored.

During the entire car ride, I tried to calm down. Butterflies were fluttering around in my stomach and I clasped my hands together to avoid wrinkling the dress. The evening before I had let Haku know through a message what Sasuke had promised to do and he had bid me good luck. I still didn't know whether to consider his message as positive or negative, but honestly I didn't have the courage to call him and ask for further confirmation. He had told me quite clearly what his exact thoughts were about Sasuke and the incident with the women's lingerie and after that particular conversation, I didn't have the energy to talk more about it. To be honest, I just wanted to forget what had happened during the birthday party of Sasuke's grandmother and his peculiar gift and concentrate on the fact that after today I wouldn't need to hide anymore. After today Manami could disappear again and I could finally be with Sasuke in the open.

The car was parked behind a row of five cars, but instead of stepping out after killing the engine, Sasuke stayed seated, staring at the steering wheel.

"Sasuke?" I murmured and touched his hand.

He glanced at me and sighed. "Be prepared to run for your life after my father hears the news," he muttered darkly.

Weakly I smiled. "Your father will eventually give in. You're his son; nothing is going to change that."

"I really hope you're right," he said and slowly released the steering wheel.

"Besides, who else is willing to put up with the people you call your co-workers?" I said lightly. "Juugo is probably the only relatively sane one of the entire bunch."

He groaned and shook his head. "Don't remind me. It still amazes me that those idiots haven't been fired yet."

"There you have it. Everything will be all right, you'll see." I hoped I sounded confident. Honestly, I wasn't certain how Fugaku would react, but that he would be furious at first was practically a fact already. But after all Sasuke's accomplishments, the man should realise that in the end Sasuke was still the same person, only with a preference for men instead of women.

Sasuke gave me quick kiss on my mouth and then we both stepped out of the car, bracing the cold.

Despite my warm jacket, I was still relieved when we entered the warm hallway and I was immediately swept away by Deidara, who excitedly showed me his new chemistry set that he had received from his Uncle Sasori. I didn't need to look at Itachi to know that the man was pissed off with this particular present – which explained the obvious absence of the chemistry professor.

Deidara kept chattering about the various chemical solutions he could make with his set thanks to his uncle, showing me some vials with coloured fluids in them. He had pulled me towards a small table, so that I was sitting on my knees on the pillow in order to not tower over him. I didn't mind this particular place; as long as Deidara kept talking to me, none of the other Uchiha members would try to strike a conversation with me and honestly, it was fun talking with the boy, even if I didn't know much about chemistry.

When I next looked up, I noticed Sasuke catching his father's attention and saying something to him. Fugaku nodded and followed his son, who looked very pale – paler than he was already.

My heartbeat quickening, I hastily rose up.

"Aunt Manami?" Deidara looked at me with huge, questioning eyes.

I smiled weakly. "Sorry, Deidara-kun, I need to go to bathroom."

He nodded solemnly and returned his attention back to his chemistry set, transferring pink coloured water to another vial.

Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I made my way out of the room, catching sight of Fugaku turning around a corner. Praying that they wouldn't enter a room and close the door, I followed them. We passed a few waiters and turned around two more corners, until we were nearly at Sasuke's old bedroom. He must really want his privacy. They halted right in front of the room and I hid myself behind the corner, making sure none of my fake hair or dress could be seen.

The corridor was empty and because of the distance between Sasuke's old bedroom and the ballroom, I didn't have to fear someone discovering my hiding place and revealing my presence to the two men.

"You wanted to speak to me?" Fugaku's deep voice asked.

"Yes," Sasuke paused. "It's about Manami."

My heart seemed intent on beating straight out of my chest and I hoped my heartbeat wasn't as loud as I thought it was.

"What about her?"

"There is something I need to tell you about … her."

"Oh? Is there something wrong?"

"Well, it's … She is …"

_Come on, Sasuke_ , I thought and bit my lip hard.  _Just say it. Say 'Manami doesn't exist. She is actually a he_.'  _Just spit it out_.

**Please, just say it.**

"She is what?" Fugaku asked confused. "Is something wrong with her? She looked fine earlier."

"It's … It's like this …" Sasuke stammered.

I closed my eyes and mouthed, "Please say it. Tell him the truth."

**Please, Sasuke.**

"Sasuke, stand up straight. I taught you better than to slouch like that," Fugaku scolded. "Now are you going to tell me what's wrong? I don't have all day."

**Say it. Tell him the truth.**

_Please …_

"I'm thinking of asking her to marry me next week. Do you think a spring wedding is possible?" Sasuke blurted out.

I didn't hear Fugaku's reply. I didn't hear their murmuring or the shuffling of their feet. I didn't hear the music that tried to enwrap me when I somehow found my way back to the hallway. I didn't register the question Konan asked me, but I heard myself giving her an answer. She nodded earnestly and handed me my jacket.

As if on autopilot, I pulled it on and without even waiting for Sasuke to join us downstairs, I left.

The door closing behind me sounded final.

He hadn't told him. Despite his promises, despite dressing up for months to please him and this family, despite everything – he didn't tell him.

He told them yet another lie.

I snorted bitterly and walked past the car. What had I expected? Had I really thought, hoped that Sasuke would come clean and tell his father the truth? How could I have been so stupid to expect him to keep this promise?

In the end, Fugaku's expectations were still more important.

What was I? What did Sasuke expect from me? That I would just keep dressing up like a girl for the rest of our time together? That I would just meekly follow with whatever lie he sprouted against his parents?

I had enough.

I had enough of dressing up like a girl; I had enough of seeing Sasuke doing everything just to please his father, because that bastard couldn't be content with the kind of sons he had now. I had enough of waiting for Sasuke to finally fulfil his promise to me.

I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't go on dressing like a girl, constantly hiding behind the girly mask, because Sasuke didn't want to disappoint his father. I didn't want this feeling, this feeling of being inadequate, of not being good enough for Sasuke to inform his parents about me. I wanted Sasuke to be proud of who he was and not hide the fact that he was together with a man. I wanted him to tell his parents that he loved  _me_ , not a girl. I wanted to be able to tell everybody that I was together with him, that I loved him and I wanted to be able to show that by holding his hand in public just to give an example. I wanted to be able to kiss him in public without him looking around nervously and pushing me away as soon as he could.

I just wanted to know that I was important enough for him to stand up against his father. I wanted to know that he wasn't ashamed of our relationship.

But I guess I wanted too much. I wanted things that Sasuke was not capable of giving me now and I doubted for the first time that he would really give me those things eventually.

Was I patient enough to wait for the day that Sasuke would finally inform his parents of the truth? Was I strong enough to hide behind a girly mask for how long Sasuke wanted to play this charade?

The answer came to me like a piece of wood that rose up in the water: no, I wasn't patient enough. No, I wasn't strong enough.

I couldn't do this anymore. I just couldn't. No matter how much I loved Sasuke, I couldn't keep on dressing like a girl. I couldn't keep on wondering whether Sasuke actually preferred a girl next to him instead of me. I couldn't keep on doubting whether he made love to  _me_  instead of Manami.

I just wasn't capable of being what Sasuke wanted.

I just wasn't good enough for him apparently.

And that thought hurt a lot.

When I finally arrived home, the first thing I did was chucking off the dress, wig and shoes. I then called Haku and asked him whether I could come over for a few hours. He must have heard something in the tone of my voice, because he murmured his consent and asked whether I needed him to come over.

I didn't.

As soon as I hung up, I picked up a box which had contained some stuff I had ordered a while ago and started to collect everything Sasuke had left behind: clothes, toothbrush, some shoes, his cup, a bottle of cologne … I then put all his stuff in the box, which was just large enough to contain everything and taped it close.

Right when I put the tape away, I heard the door open and hasty footsteps nearing me.

"Why the hell did you leave so suddenly?" Sasuke snapped and when I turned around, I saw how frazzled he looked.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a few seconds. As much as I didn't want to do this, this couldn't continue. As much as I loved Sasuke, I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Haku was right: I knew what I had to do.

I just wished it didn't hurt so much.

"Your stuff is in that box," I murmured and jerked my head to the box standing on the kitchen table. "Return the key and leave."

"Naruto, what the hell is going on here? What do you mean 'my stuff is in that box'?" he asked warily and narrowed his eyes.

I clenched my teeth and glared at him. "So did your father think a spring wedding is possible?" I asked snidely and crossed my arms.

He stiffened. "You heard that," he murmured and he sounded vaguely choked.

"Yeah, I did. I told you this was your last chance, Sasuke! You blew it and now I want you out of here."

"Are you not overreacting? Can't we just talk …"

"We talked weeks ago!" I exploded. "I told you I couldn't keep doing this and you promised me you would tell your parents the truth next time we saw them! That was the fucking condition I gave you! Why the hell didn't you tell your father the fucking truth?!"

"It's complicated! You know how my father is! I just can't tell him out of the blue that I'm gay!" Sasuke snapped, glaring back at me.

"That's the thing with you, Sasuke," I laughed bitterly. "It's always complicated with you. But the truth is that you're just too scared to stand up against your father. You still try to please him instead of living your own damn life! How much of a coward can you possibly be?"

That made him snap. "You don't fucking understand anything! You don't have parents so what the fuck would you know about pleasing them or standing up against them? It's easy blabbering about standing up to your parents and telling them you're gay when you don't have to do it yourself! You never have to risk being called a disappointment by your father! You …" he fell silent and stared at me shocked. "I didn't mean to say that."

"We both know you never say anything you don't mean, Sasuke," I smiled sadly. "You're right: my parents aren't here anymore so I never had to tell them that I'm gay. Who knows, maybe my dad would have thought I was a disappointment. But I have never tried to hide who I really was. And I think I deserve someone who is proud to be my boyfriend and who doesn't need to hide his relationship from his parents, because he is ashamed to be seen with me."

"Naruto, don't do …"

"So I think it's best if we … break up," I said through the lump in my throat that seemed intent on strangling my voice. "I'm sick and tired of dressing up like a girl. I'm tired of wondering whether you really see me or Manami."

"I never saw you as …"

I cut him off again. I needed to say this before I broke down. Already I could feel the hot sting of tears pressing against my eyes. "It's probably selfish of me and you can call me selfish, but I want to be happy again. I want to be myself again. I want someone who is proud of me and isn't scared of showing me to his parents. I want someone who  _isn't ashamed of me_. And I don't think you are that person anymore, Sasuke."

"But you love me."

If my heart wasn't already broken, it would have shattered instantly at hearing the broken, small voice of Sasuke, who was now staring at me with desperate eyes.

"You love me," he repeated as if he wanted to remind me of that fact. "And I love you. You know I do, Naruto!"

"I know, Sasuke, but it isn't enough," I whispered and my fingers clenched around my arms. "It is best for the both of us to break up. We're not good for each other."

"That's not true; you've always been the best thing in my life," he said without even looking uncomfortable and stepped forwards, his arms spread out in a gesture to embrace me.

I flinched and stepped back, trying to ignore the hurt look on his face. Why the hell had he decided to throw away his emotionless mask now? This would be so much easier if he wore his blank mask. It would be so much easier to pretend that he didn't really care about me if he stopped looking so hurt.

How had the situation changed so much that it seemed I was the bad guy now by breaking up with him?

"Sasuke, I can't do this anymore," I said and some of the desperation I felt must have slipped through my voice, because he halted and stared at me helplessly. "I just can't. I'm tired of this; this whole thing was supposed to only last a few months. It has almost been a year now and I'm sick of it. I just can't do it anymore."

"You don't have to," he suddenly said hastily, and his eyes flared up with something that resembled hope. "I know I screwed up now; I promised I would tell my father, but I didn't dare to do it. But I swear that I'll tell him next time we see him. I just want one last chance. One last chance and I'll tell my father next time that I'm together with you and that they can expect a son-in-law, but not a daughter-in-law. What do you think? We don't need to break up. I've been acting stupid, but that will all end soon. I promise. Just please, Naruto? Just give me one last chance."

I really wanted to agree. Every cell in my body screamed to agree with him, to give him just one last chance to prove that he meant us, meant our relationship. I didn't want to break up and Sasuke had offered me an alternative. Just agree with him and I could have him back in my arms. We could forget this particular argument, pretend it hadn't happened and Sasuke would tell his father the truth next time.

But he had made that promise so many times already and every time he had neglected to fulfil it. Could I handle him breaking his promise again if I gave him another chance? Could I risk it?

Even though I wanted to risk it … I didn't dare to anymore. I had always loved to take risks, but this time the risk just wasn't appealing enough. I didn't trust him anymore to keep his promise. I didn't trust him anymore to do what he said he would.

And what is love without trust?

"Naruto?"

His eyes were so hopeful, his arms still outstretched, ready to embrace me the moment I gave in. He looked at me expectantly, his lips slightly parted. Gone was the cold, blank mask; instead he displayed clearly how much he wanted me to agree and it would be so easy to give in, to let myself be swept away by his loving embrace and his soft lips and burning eyes.

So easy …

And yet so difficult as well.

Hearts weren't capable of shattering into tiny pieces, but I could swear mine did shatter when I finally shook my head and his face fell, his eyes showing his incredulity and hurt.

I swallowed and managed to choke out, "It's over. I'm done with this, with you. Please take your stuff, leave your key behind and leave."

"Naruto, you can't seriously …"

"LEAVE!" I shouted and smacked my hand on the counter, not registering the sharp pain that followed.

His movements were rather abrupt when he snatched the box off the table and threw the key on it; the sharp sound of the key hitting the wooden table resounded in the too silent room.

He looked at me with unreadable, dark eyes; an angry flush decorating his cheekbones. "I'm not giving you up. Not like this. It's not over yet."

"Yes, it is and I need you to leave now," I stated, clenching my fists tightly against my sides.

He opened his mouth, but closed it after a few seconds and after throwing me one last unreadable look, he left. Left out of the room, out of the building, out of my life.

"It was my decision," I muttered to myself and stared helplessly out of the window. "I'm the one who can't deal with it anymore. It's stupid to keep going on like this. I can do better than this."

Now if only I could convince myself of that.

* * *

The next few days passed by in a blur. I couldn't remember much of what I did during the days following my break up with Sasuke. I had left my home immediately after Sasuke had left and had crashed at Haku's place. I had kept myself rather well together on the way there, but the moment Haku had opened the door and had looked at me with concerned eyes, I had broken down. Tears had started pouring down my face; my body trembling with the force of my sobbing and I only vaguely remembered him steering me to the couch where he held me for what seemed like hours before the tears finally stopped.

He hadn't said anything; he had merely held me, my head resting against his thin shoulder, his hand caressing my sweaty hair. At one point Zabuza had entered the room, but he had left as silently as he had come in.

Eventually night fell and Haku offered me the bed in the guest room. Normally I would have refused, but now I didn't want to be alone. And I also didn't want to take the chance that Sasuke had returned to my home for some reason.

It was three days later when Haku finally asked me what I would do next.

"Do next?" I repeated apathetically and stirred my noodles with my chopsticks.

"Yes, do you have any plans?"

I looked up and narrowed my eyes. "Sounds like you already have planned something," I remarked and put the chopsticks down. I didn't feel like eating much today.

He hesitated and bit his lip, looking at me guiltily.

"Just say it," I sighed and rubbed my forehead.

"Have you considered taking up photography again?" he suddenly asked.

I blinked. Where had that come from? "Eh, I haven't thought about it lately. My job at the supermarket has kept me rather busy and with Sas …" I cut myself off, not feeling up to reminiscing about my ex-lover. God, I was becoming pathetic.

Haku shared a look with Zabuza.

"What?"

"Haku told me that you are able to produce some very good photos of whatever the subject is," Zabuza said calmly.

I stared at him and then at Haku, who smiled back encouragingly. What was going on? "Eh, yeah, I guess so, but it has been a while since I last took professional pictures."

"Even the nonprofessional ones looked very good," Zabuza informed me and I looked at him puzzled.

"Where are you going with this?" I asked wearily.

"My company is seeking a new photographer. The former one decided to go solo and since then we've been without a decent photographer," he explained and took a sip of his water. "We've been searching for a decent one for weeks now, but all the ones we've interviewed until now just aren't good enough. They are not bad; just not good enough to meet our expectations. However, Haku has shown me some of your work and in my opinion, your work is even better than that of the former photographer. And he ranked in the top three every time in several competitions."

Haku took over. "So we've been thinking that you could accept this job if you want. It would give you the chance to leave this town for a while and well, maybe a change of scenery is what you need now."

"What do you mean 'leave this town'?" I questioned bewildered. My head was spinning with the sudden onslaught of information and I didn't know what to think of it. Me taking a job as a photographer? Sure, during high school I had dreamt of taking up a job as a photographer, because I loved the thrill of capturing the subject in a perfect picture, but I had let go of that dream once I saw how much it would cost to study photography professionally. I didn't have the money for the studies and the equipment, so I had contented myself by just shooting pictures occasionally of my friends and sometimes nature.

Now I suddenly had the chance to become a photographer? Even though I didn't have any degree?

"Well," Haku hesitated before he pursed his lips and continued, "I think it's better for you to leave this town for a while so that you can start anew. You know: new city, new beginning and all that. It could help you clear your mind."

In a sudden flash of clarity, I murmured flatly, "You don't want me to remain in the same town as him."

He looked at me and replied cautiously, "I don't like seeing you in pain, but I think that this break was the best solution for the both of you. You both need time apart from each other and if you remain here, you'll probably run into him soon even if you don't want to and well …"

"You think I would take him back?" I asked and rubbed my temples. I felt a headache creeping up.

A pale hand reached out and touched my wrist. "Honestly, Naruto, you've always been a very forgiving person and while I don't think you should hold a grudge for the rest of your life, the fact stays that this particular relationship wasn't healthy anymore. I think you would forgive him soon even if he didn't make any changes in his life and that's not something that you need now. You deserve more than a hidden relationship and maybe you'll find something better if you leave this town for a while." His brown eyes looked at me worriedly.

"Nobody said you can never come back here, Naruto," Zabuza said calmly. "It's just that for the time being it's healthier if you and Uchiha stay apart and don't cross paths."

I stared down at my by now cold noodles and sighed softly. As much as I wanted to protest, Haku was probably right. The moment Sasuke made another attempt to apologize and ask for another chance would probably be the moment when I gave in and let him do what he wanted.

In the past few days I had picked up my phone various times, my finger hovering over the button while I wavered over the decision to call him and apologize, asking whether we could talk. Every time I had thrown down my phone on the bed again and stalked away to do something else, but the temptation was there. Even though Sasuke could be stubborn, he would probably agree to meet up and talk and that would be my undoing. If we talked again, there was little that would stop me from giving him another chance.

I missed him – more than I ever thought I would. Only once before had we spent more than two days without each other; there had been those three weeks during middle school when Sasuke had suddenly started ignoring me and all my messages until I had gone to his house and demanded he let me in. Back then I had only been worried that I had lost my best friend.

This time I had lost both my best friend and my lover. I had no illusions that Sasuke was willing to still be my friend after this. Sasuke had always been an everything or not type of guy – well, in most aspects of his life anyway. Either I gave him another chance and got my best friend and lover back or I would refuse to give our relationship another try and then I could most likely say goodbye to our friendship.

Well, that was certainly not a healthy relationship; I hated it when Haku was right. Maybe it was indeed for the best if I left for a while. I could start over again in another city. A city where nobody would know me except for Zabuza and where I wouldn't be haunted by the memories of my ex-lover. A place where I wouldn't have to hide anymore. A place where I could discover myself again, find out what exactly I wanted in my life.

Change would be good, right?

"Do I need to make some sort of portfolio?" I asked after a bout of silence.

Haku gave me a small smile and Zabuza started explaining what kind of pictures he expected to see in my portfolio.

* * *

After celebrating New Year with my friends while at the same time saying goodbye to them and promising them to call them regularly, I departed to a city a little more than three hundred and ten miles from my town, so that by the time the third week of January was rolling by, I had installed myself in a nice apartment on the sixth floor of a huge building. The apartment had the advantage of being relatively close to my new work place, which was good because it meant I didn't have to get up at a ridiculous early hour to arrive on time.

Zabuza had been put in charge of me as some sort of supervisor, but before I could receive my first assignment, I first had to prove my photography skills to the boss of the company (an old man named Tanaka) through various small photo shoots to show that I actually knew what I was doing. I didn't feel offended by it; I didn't have a real degree so he was taking a huge risk by hiring me.

After two months of various small photo shoots that varied from taking pictures of first time models, nature to photos with special effects, I was given my first real assignment.

I had to admit that taking pictures, developing them and seeing the end result was satisfying. I didn't think I would feel content doing this job in an unfamiliar city, but Haku had been right when he said I needed to get away from my hometown for a while. A change of scenery was exactly what I needed. Here I didn't have to look behind me to check whether Sasuke was in the same shop or worry that I would run into him on my way home.

Sasuke had tried to contact me several times during the time I had spent at Haku's house. Every time I had seen his name flashing across the screen I had to hold myself back from answering. After hearing my phone ring several times during the weeks before I left town, Haku had grown fed up with it and the day before I left the town, he had taken me to the store to get my number changed. I had refused at first; it wasn't like Sasuke was some kind of stalker who forced me to change my number to get rid of him, but Haku had been very persistent, not giving up until I finally accepted the new number (I was pretty certain the salesman had been relieved when we finally stopped arguing).

So here I was now: in a new city, in a new apartment with a new number that only a few people knew and a new job that kept me busy throughout the entire day and part of the evening as well.

Before I knew it the weeks passed and I met more people: co-workers who became friends and who invited me to go drink with them. Weekends were filled with developing films, catching a movie and calling my friends in my hometown to let them know how I was doing. Haku was the one who I called the most and he kept me updated on whatever had happened in my old town. One subject in particular he kept quiet about and I was both grateful and annoyed by it.

During the first few months my head had been filled with memories of Sasuke and I, often leaving me in a broody mood until I forced myself to pay attention to something else. However, time did heal some wounds – not all, I wasn't certain whether that would ever be possible with how deeply integrated Sasuke had become in my life before I left him – and soon I could spent a few hours doing something without thinking about him once. Those few hours turned into a day and that day turned into a couple of days in the week.

I still thought about him. How could I not? He had been there for me when I was at my loneliest and even though Haku was one of my best friends, Sasuke and I always had had a deeper bond, even without the romantic side to it. So no, I couldn't forget him. I wasn't planning to either. I didn't want to forget him. I just wanted to be able to think about him without feeling all the hurt and anger welling up, coupled with the shame that rose its ugly head whenever I spent too much time thinking about how long I had let that charade go on.

With every month that passed by, it became easier to think about him and it became easier to let go of the hurt and the anger until I woke up one day and realised that I had been living for fifteen months already in this apartment.

Almost sixteen months since I last had seen Sasuke. Fifteen months since I last had seen my friends, even though I heard their voices every week.

I realised I felt good. I was … not exactly happy – I didn't think I ever would be the happy Naruto from three years ago again, but I was content. Something which I hadn't expected I would ever be.

Coming to this city and accepting the job had definitely helped me and I made a mental note to buy an extravagant gift for Haku to thank him for giving me the push in this direction.

During a sunny day in May I met an interesting guy who was chosen to model for a particular eau de cologne brand; when I looked at him through my lens, the intensity of his eyes struck me and I nearly screwed up the first picture before I got a hold on myself. A tiny smirk lingered on his face throughout the entire photo shoot and by the time I had finished taking pictures of him, I was completely flustered and fumbled with my camera, nearly dropping it various times.

Two weeks later, he asked me out and before I knew what I was doing, I had blurted out an agreement.

The date had gone better than I expected; it had been a lot more fun than I thought the guy was capable of and it didn't take me long to decide to go on a second date with him. A second date was followed by a third date and then a fourth, until three months later I realised I was actually dating someone else. Haku had been ecstatic when I told him I had found somebody. I guessed I had a new boyfriend now which was a strange thought to consider, because Sasuke had been my first in all aspects of a relationship. But I felt good around him; he had dry, sarcastic wit, he was charming, knew what to say to make me relaxed, had piercing eyes that made my insides feel like jelly and when I finally took the last step and went to bed with him, I actually had to beg him to go faster because I couldn't take the slow, tender approach anymore.

He was everything I could wish for in a new boyfriend: charming, handsome, funny, not ashamed to be seen with me; he was a great kisser and great in bed. He made my heart flutter and me stammer whenever he looked me deeply into my eyes.

And yet …

And yet something seemed to be missing. I couldn't give myself completely to him. Something in me seemed to hold me back from surrendering completely to him and that puzzled me. What was wrong with me? I had finally found a guy who wasn't ashamed to be seen with me, who willingly took my hand in public, who had introduced me proudly to his parents as his boyfriend after five months – all those things I wished Sasuke had done and yet a part of my heart stayed closed off. I tried. I really did. And yet … and yet …

It was he who finally broke up with me. His otherwise sharp, glinting eyes had softened and his hands felt cool around mine.

"I don't think you're completely over your ex, Naruto," he murmured and squeezed my hands.

"But I am!" I insisted. "I really am. I love you, you know that."

Didn't that sound eerily familiar?

He looked at me with a vague smile on his face. "I love you too and I know you love me; I just don't think you're  _in love_  with me."

"Of course I'm in love with you," I protested and scowled. "I wouldn't be with you otherwise."

"Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

The sudden subject change threw me off and I stared at him bewildered. "What? What has that got to do with …"

"You do," he interrupted me calmly. "And I've figured out after you accidentally broke that one plate at my home that you tend to tell the truth when you're sleeping."

Suddenly I didn't like the direction this conversation had taken.

"You still want him, Naruto," he said softly and caressed with his thumb over my cheek. "You still love him and I don't think you'll ever be able to love me as much as you love him. And I deserve your love completely; not a part of it."

"But I do love you!" I gripped his wrists tightly, afraid he would disappear if I let go of him.

"I never said you didn't," he replied gently. "You just don't love me as much as you love this guy." He let out a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm actually jealous of a guy I have never met before. I don't know what kind of guy he is, but he must be an amazing piece of work to still have such a tight hold over your heart to the point that you call out to him in your sleep."

I opened my mouth … and then closed it again when I realised that nothing I said could convince him otherwise. Because he was right. Because no matter how much I liked him, there was always a part of me that kept thinking about Sasuke.

Funny how it always took other people to make me realise things about myself. Guess I wasn't that mature as I had hoped I had become.

"I'm glad I got to know you, Naruto," he smiled sadly and hugged me – for the last time I realised numbly.

And then he was gone. Out of my life.

I was left wondering whether I had fucked up the one good thing in my life – whether that thing was Sasuke or him was a question I couldn't – and didn't dare to – answer.

* * *

Haku insisted I came home to visit him in the weekend of my birthday. I guessed he didn't want me to be alone now that he had broken up with me and I was grateful to have such a good friend. Stamping the feeling down that I was running –  _again_  – I packed a light travelling bag and went back to my hometown for the first time in a long time.

Not much had changed in my absence: some roads had been fixed, some stores had closed down and new ones had opened up, but overall everything had stayed the same. Even my home was in the same state I had left it in (Haku visited it weekly to clean up a bit so that when the time came that I wanted to come home, I would have my home ready).

After dropping off my bag, I made my way over to Haku's house, taking in the new changes in the town.

He hugged me tightly as soon as he had opened the door. "God, I missed you," he murmured and I smiled, hugging him back.

"I missed you as well."

"Come in; you can tell me what's been happening in your life while we drink some tea," he smiled and guided me to the kitchen where he poured me a cup of green tea.

We quickly fell into our old routine of chattering about everything that came up into our minds so that it seemed as if I had never left. Only the new additions to Haku's home and his slightly longer hair reminded me that I hadn't been here for a long time.

I had been talking about a particular model, who was quite arrogant and annoying, when I noticed how silent Haku had become.

"Something wrong?" I asked and raised my eyebrow while taking a careful sip of my hot tea.

He smiled faintly. "Not really. It's just …"

"Just what?" I repeated.

"I'm not certain whether telling you would be a good or a bad thing."

"Would you stop being so damn cryptic and just tell me what's on your mind?" I asked exasperatedly, putting my cup of tea down on the counter.

"When you drove into town – have you noticed something different?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Some roads were fixed; the old pub seems to have disappeared and there is a new grocery store it seems. I haven't really paid attention to anything in particular. Why?"

"Well, some buildings were converted into something else. It's really remarkable how fast construction workers can be when a lot of money is involved," Haku mused and I narrowed my eyes.

"What are you saying?"

"There is a new lawyer firm," he said slowly. "It's been slowly overtaking Fugaku's firm when it comes to the amount of important clientele and rumours say that it won't be long before it takes the first spot in the list of most important and influential lawyer firms."

"Well, great for that person and it sucks for that old man, but I've never been interested in lawyers and all that stuff," I huffed and waved my hand impatiently. Sure, I felt a bit of guilty satisfaction that Fugaku was losing his power to a newcomer, but I didn't understand why Haku had been so worried about telling me.

"Do you know who the owner of the new firm is?"

"How the heck would I know? I haven't lived here for almost two years, remember," I snorted and shook my head.

"Uchiha Sasuke."

I froze, my eyes fixed on the counter top.

"Three months after you left, there was a big row in the Uchiha family," Haku continued softly. "I don't know the details, but I have heard from Kisame that the fight was between Sasuke and Fugaku." He paused to look at me and when I didn't reply in any form, he went on, "Sasuke apparently told him he was gay."

My breath hitched.

"Fugaku of course wasn't happy with that and basically disowned Sasuke. I don't know where he got the money – I'm guessing both his own funds and some help of some relatives – but Sasuke bought up an old building, ordered a crew to renovate it and started his own lawyer firm, which has been steadily rising in the list of influential firms for months now. He and his father don't speak to each other anymore. I'm guessing Fugaku would have been willing to forgive him if Sasuke hadn't told him who he loves."

"It's late; I think I'm going home," I muttered and turned around. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't bear to hear it.

Right before I could escape, Haku murmured, "When that guy loves, he gives his entire heart. Took him a long time to gather his balls, but well … Don't do something you'll regret."

Don't do something I would regret? Like what? I would just go home, take a quick shower, sleep and then come back here tomorrow to celebrate my birthday.

I wouldn't think about the new firm or about Sasuke's fight. I would ignore the entire last fifteen minutes of my stay at Haku's house and pretend I had misheard him.

The cold wind howling outside was quickly accompanied with the sound of heavy rain when I stepped into my shower.

Quickly lathering and rinsing myself, I exited the shower again and wrapped a towel tightly around my waist, while rubbing my hair dry with another one; trying to ignore my cramping insides. Without wanting it, my mind returned to the conversation I had had with Haku. I didn't know what Haku had intended by telling me that. What did he want to say? That Sasuke had changed? Well, obviously he had, if he had finally told his parents that he was gay. I frowned and I ruffled my hair roughly with the towel. Why had Sasuke suddenly decided to inform his parents that he preferred men? Was it because I …

No, I wouldn't think about that. It didn't matter anyway. I wouldn't see him. I would go to sleep now and then tomorrow I would celebrate my birthday with Haku, Zabuza and some of my friends and then afterwards I would leave again to my apartment.

No thinking about ex-boyfriends and their sudden change of mind. Not thinking about whether this meant …

I looked up when the doorbell rang loud and clearly through my home and I frowned. Who would be stupid enough to brave this weather? God, I hoped it was not a telemarketer. I seriously wasn't in the mood for that.

"I'm not interested in whatever you're offering, so you can go back to …" My voice died out when I finally registered who was standing in front of me.

Expensive suit sodden, dark bangs clinging to his rain soaked forehead, Uchiha Sasuke was standing on my porch. His dark eyes looked tired, but there was a strange fire burning in it.

"I told you I wouldn't give up on you," he murmured. "It took me a long time, but I found you again. Can we talk?"

I stared at him for a long time, taking in the small changes he had undergone while I wasn't here. A small cut near his chin made me suspect he had cut himself during shaving; his tie was crooked as if he had been pulling at it constantly and his jacket was a bit rumpled, as if he had hastily pulled it on, not caring whether it wrinkled.

He looked almost the same – but I knew we both had changed. Whether it was for better or for worse …

_Don't do something you'll regret._

The old Naruto surfaced again for a minute and I stepped aside, clearing the doorway. "Yeah, we can talk," I replied and my heart resumed beating – as if it had ever stopped.

Before I closed the door, I saw the rain lightening up until a small streak of sunlight managed to wriggle through the heavy clouds and I smiled.

Even through the darkest clouds, the sun always managed to wriggle its way through. Sometimes it just took a while.


End file.
